Now, really, seriously, there was nothing f**king funny about this.
“This is not f**king funny,” I said under his hand but, again, it came out, “Thff if nf ffing ffny.”
I knew he was about to burst out laughing which would mean I’d have to kill him right in front of Detective Marker (or not kill him because I liked him but at least do him some bodily harm) when we heard, “We’re with them.”
Hector and my heads turned to the side and we saw Ralphie and Buddy with YoYo on a leash trying to get by a uniformed officer.
Hector dropped his arms, letting me go and called, “Joe, it’s all right.”
“Joe” looked at Hector, nodded and stepped aside. Ralphie and Buddy forged through, both of them walking slowly, their heads turned to the side staring at Art. YoYo strained at her lead, tongue lolling, bugged out eyes on me and Ralphie let her go. She scampered across the space; I leaned down and picked her up. She decided she needed to bathe my neck and jaw with her tongue so this was what she did, squiggling in my arms, all happy puppy.
“Stop,” Hector suddenly clipped at the pug, YoYo went still immediately and stared at him.
At his tone, so did I.
“She’s just happy to see me,” I explained to Hector.
“Only tongue on your neck is mine,” he returned.
My eyes bugged out as far as YoYo’s.
“You’re jealous of a dog?”
“Fuck no,” he answered, staring at me like I had a screw loose. “But I might have a mind to put my mouth on you and I don’t want to do it after a dog.”
Well.
Had to admit, he had a point.
And it was an interesting point.
And the thought of his mouth on me made me forget all about the crazy, mean, f**king, Balduccis.
Ralphie and Buddy made it to us and they gave chin lifts to Hector, (Ralphie’s came with a, “Hey, Double H”) and hugs and cheek kisses to me (Ralphie’s hug was tighter than normal, longer and after, he looked into my eyes until I smiled at him, only then did he move away).
“Lisette is gonna freak. She’d been working on that collection for over a year,” Ralphie said, his eyes now on the blackened building and my thoughts went right back to the crazy, mean, f**king Balduccis.
“Hector said it was Donny Balducci,” I informed them and, in unison, they looked at me. “I know. But you aren’t allowed to threaten his life, not in front of the police, or so Hector says.”
“Can I threaten to beat the crap out of him?” Buddy asked.
I looked at Hector to assess his response to this.
He was fighting a grin but he shook his head at me.
“Probably not,” I told Buddy.
“Well!” Ralphie cried (loudly). “Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. We’re insured against loss of income, this means vacation. This means shopping. This means trips to the spa. This means learning how to make that complicated lemon soufflé.”
“You don’t cook,” Buddy cut in.
“Well, I’m gonna learn,” Ralphie shot back. “And that means Sur La Table, Cherry Creek Mall, after breakfast. Maybe Williams Sonoma. I’m calling the Rock Chicks. I’m thinking Mercury Café.” He turned to me. “You call Lisette and after I’m done calling Daisy, I’ll call the insurance people. We eat then we’re shopping for kitchen implements.”
“We don’t need any kitchen implements,” Buddy cut in again.
“One always needs kitchen implements,” Ralphie returned.
“No shopping and no breakfast with the Rock Chicks. Unless I can get a man on Sadie, she’s staying at the offices today,” Hector entered the conversation.