I looked up at him and all of a sudden I remembered where I was, who I was with, what I was saying and I pulled in my breath.
He was right. He was so right.
I had to calm down.
So, I had filth running through my veins instead of blood.
So what?
I knew that, I’d always known it.
This just proved it irrevocably.
It proved I had no business standing here with these good people.
It proved I was exactly the kind of girl Hector could conquer then throw away without looking back.
It proved that wasn’t only true but I deserved it.
I had to get out of there, pronto.
“I need to go,” I told Hector. “I need to get back to the gallery. I have work to do.”
“I’m thinkin’ that’s not a good idea,” Hector replied.
“What do you suggest I do instead? Sit in a dark room and reflect on my pitiful life, my mother who probably died trying to protect me, my squished cat?”
“Sadie –”
I shook my head and lifted my hands to pull my hair away from the sides of my face, leaving them there. “No, I need to do something normal. I need to be around pretty things in my gallery. I need Ralphie. I need Buddy. I need to go back to the brownstone and play with YoYo. I need Veronica Mars. I need to do everything I can do to forget all that is my f**king hideous life.”
Something flashed across his face, something so strong it penetrated my hysteria. I wasn’t certain sure, he hid it as quickly as it came but I could swear it was disappointment.
I realized then that of all the things I told him I needed, he wasn’t one of them.
I’d inadvertently scored a direct hit and I should have been glad but I was absolutely not.
I sallied forth, there was nothing else I could do. In my life, sallying forth was my only option and it always had been.
I dropped my hair and put my hands on his biceps.
“Please, Hector, take me back to the gallery.”
Finally, his arms dropped, he stepped back and I lost his heat.
And I saw that I also lost him. I could see it in his face closing down and his eyes going blank. And I knew it because he didn’t touch me, he didn’t slide his hand in my hair and he didn’t stay close.
And this hurt. It hurt so much I felt that hot, hard thing in my chest grow and spread, up my throat and down to my belly until I found it difficult to breathe and I was certain sure it was going to suffocate me.
Even though I lost him, he still quietly replied, “All right, Sadie, I’ll take you back to the gallery.”
I let out a breath and found that didn’t help at all.
* * * * *
Eddie
Eddie Chavez watched the door close behind his brother and Sadie and something about both of them made him feel unsettled.