“I’ve got to go,” I told him, sounding desperate and not caring.
I was desperate.
At that point, I forgot about all my father’s lessons never to let any weakness show. I didn’t care that everyone in that room knew I was desperate.
I didn’t care about anything but getting out of there.
“Hang on, preciosa,” Hector murmured.
“I’ve got to go!” I screamed in his face and watched him wince and his head jerked like the raw emotion in my voice was a physical thing, a hard, sharp, painful slap.
I struggled.
His arms went tight.
I pushed against his chest, putting my body weight into my hands while staring at them, willing my efforts to work, fighting the pain in my chest, feeling my heart beating in my throat, all the while begging, “Please. Please. Please.”
“Sadie, listen to me.” Hector’s arms separated, one stayed tight at my waist, pulling my lower body to his heat, one went up my back and into my hair, giving it a gentle tug so my head tilted back to look at him. When I caught sight of his face, I noted he was no longer annoyed and moody, his face was soft, his eyes were warm and intense but this didn’t help either. “Vance is a tracker, he’s good. Tom and Malcolm kept notes on everything they did. Vance is going to pick up the –”
I shook my head and started laughing.
He stopped talking because the sound of my laughter was far from amused, instead it was harsh and bitter and so ugly it scratched my own ears.
“I’m not stupid, Hector. It was eighteen years ago, there’s nothing to pick up and if there is, I don’t want to know what he’s going to find.”
“Mamita, you don’t know. Give it a chance,” Hector encouraged softly but I shook my head and then twisted my neck to look at Tom.
“You knew her; you said she’d never leave me, right?” I asked Tom.
Tom was watching me, looking pale and concerned but he nodded.
“So, if she felt she had to leave anyway, she’d have come back. Or she’d have found a way to talk to me. She could have used you or Kitty Sue or anyone,” I went on.
“Honey –” Tom started but I interrupted him and, with a forceful tug, I yanked out of Hector’s arms and twirled to face Tom.
“And now he’s gone, he’s been in prison for ages, and she hasn’t come back. If she could come back, she would. Wouldn’t she?” I demanded then repeated on a shout, “Wouldn’t she?”
“Sadie, come here,” Tom replied softly, his arms coming up and out toward me.
“He killed her,” I announced in a flat voice, ignoring Toms arms, feeling nothing but that hot, hard thing burning in my chest, my body went ramrod straight, my hands clenched in fists at my sides. “My father found out what she was doing and he f**king killed her!”
“Hector, get her,” Eddie warned but I took off, not to escape but pacing swiftly around the room, agitated and unable to stand still, thoughts thundering in my head, pain pounding in my temples, striking there like jackhammers.
“This is unbelievable,” I got out, taking a half a dozen steps before Hector caught me and pulled me to him again. I stopped, looked up at him and cried, “Unbelievable!”
“Mi corazón, calm down,” Hector muttered.
“Calm down?” I snapped, eyes narrowing on him. “This is my father, Hector, his blood flows through my veins and he’s a killer! My grandmother died when I was practically a baby, did he kill her too? And his parents, he kept them from me but I knew they died when I was nineteen, within a year of each other. Did he kill them too?”
I was on a roll, ranting in front of an audience, unconcerned about what they might think, who they might see, what I exposed by the words that came out of my mouth. The only thing I knew was the more I talked, the less that thing in my chest hurt and I had to get it out before it destroyed me so I kept right on going.
“And my boyfriends, I knew he warned them off but I’ve never seen them again, never ran into them at, say, a movie or the mall. How bizarre is that? You always run into people, especially your exes, exactly when you don’t want to see them. Did he whack them for daring to touch me?” I asked then my mind flew in another direction. “And Greg! The guy who worked for him who flirted with me, my f**king father saw it and I never saw Greg again. Did he off him too? Poor Greg, daring to flirt with Sadie Townsend. That was a mistake. King Death strikes again!” I shouted, totally hysterical now then I demanded to know, “When’s it going to end? When? What’s next? Am I going to find out my f**king father ran over my cat, Cleopatra, when I was eight? He said it was a neighbor who did it, it was probably him!”
“I’m sure your father didn’t run over your cat,” Hector told me gently.
“You’re sure? Well I’m not. He probably drove around neighborhoods in his spare time, aiming for cats, just for kicks!” I snapped back.
Hector gave me a gentle shake. “Mamita, you got to calm down.”