“And you get to decide when I’m ready?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And when’s that gonna be?”
“I’l tel you when it’s not gonna be, it’s not gonna be when you’re trying to push me away because you stil don’t trust me,” he returned.
“So you get to screw with my head, f**k with my life, take what you want and you give me nothing?”
“You got it,” he answered, total y calm.
He could not be serious.
“I don’t believe you. You’re just… unbelievable, ” I spat my earlier thought out loud.
His hand travel ed down my arm, locked around my wrist and pul ed it up. When he had it between us, his hand shifted, pressing mine flat against his beating heart.
“You want in here?” he murmured, his eyes intense, so intense I felt my gut clench with fear. This was a fear I didn’t understand, it wasn’t even logical, but it scared me al the same. It was the same fear as yesterday morning, huge and uncontrol able.
“No,” I lied. Except for the ability to play my music, being in his heart was the only thing I’d ever wanted in my whole effing life.
He shook his head. “Until that answer changes, babe, you get what I’m wil in’ to give you. My protection, my attention and my cock.”
I gasped at his frankness and my body went solid with fury.
“Unbelievable,” I hissed.
“When the time comes where you give me somethin’
without me havin’ to pul it out of you, where you give me a piece of you without me havin’ to take it then I’l give you a piece of me.”
“That time’s never going to come,” I snapped back though I wanted a piece of him. I wanted more than a piece of him, I wanted al of him. I even wanted a chance to help him battle those demons. In fact, I wanted the chance to take them on al on my own if it meant Mace wouldn’t have them anymore.
I knew it, I hated myself for my weakness but it was the truth.
I might not be able to be honest with him but I had to be honest with myself or at least this once.
“It’l come,” he promised, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I glared at him to hide the emotional tumult in my head.
He calmly returned my glare.
“Don’t you have shit to do?” I reminded him, my voice sharp.
I was done.
Done, done, done!
He kept watching me for a few beats then his gaze went soft. Instead of moving away from me, his head came down and his face disappeared in my neck.
I pushed at his shoulders. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t wanna leave it this way.”
“There’s no other way to leave it,” I informed him and his face came out of my neck. He rol ed off me to his side, taking me with him, his arms around me. Both hands slid up my back, he pressed the area between my shoulder blades so my torso was tight against his and he threw a thigh over mine, pinning me.
I didn’t fight this. I was beginning to learn (belatedly) that fighting him physical y was detrimental to my abilities to fight him emotional y.