“Ever?” I pressed.
He didn’t reply but he didn’t need to. The look in his eyes wasn’t bleak but there was a ghost of that he let me see.
So I asked the big question. “Are you gonna let me make you happy?”
His hand came to the side of my face as his arm pulled me back down his chest in order that he could tuck my cheek to the base of his throat. He left his hand there when he got me there.
But he did all this again not answering me.
I didn’t know if this was to avoid nonverbal communication, to hide.
But it was important so I couldn’t let it slide.
“You didn’t answer me,” I stated, my question aimed at his shoulder.
“Woman, you’re naked on top of me in your bed. I just had you in this bed. This meaning I am not in cabin eleven. A place for six years that was a torture chamber but I kept comin’ back because I couldn’t stay away. Now, tell me, how’re you gonna make me happy when you already accomplished that feat?”
God.
He just gave that to me. Straight up, right out in the open, he gave me that beauty.
I closed my eyes and snuggled deeper, asking, “Okay, are you gonna let me make you more happy?”
“You wanna take on that challenge, not me gonna stop you.”
I opened my eyes and grinned.
He started playing with my hair right behind my ear. That felt nice too, sending a thrill from my ear over my scalp.
I would have preferred to just lie there, held close, letting Deacon thrill me with barely a touch, but I drew in a big breath and decided to get the ground rules out of the way.
“You’re John Priest when you’re here but not in this house.” It was a statement that was also a guess.
His fingers stopped playing and wrapped around the side of my neck, his thumb stroking my jaw, and he confirmed, “I’m John Priest when I’m with you and not in this house.”
“Okay,” I whispered and he gave my neck a squeeze.
“You gonna be able to remember that?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
His thumb stopped stroking and pressed in at the hinge of my jaw. “It’s important, Cassie.”
“I’ll remember,” I whispered, feeling the stone settle in my belly, but doing it being me.
That was, hoping one day he’d help me work it out so it didn’t weigh there, dragging me down, starving me.
I decided to move on.
“You didn’t use a condom last night, Deacon.”
“I know, baby. Things got outta hand. You on the Pill?”
“Yeah. And I’ve been careful. But you’ve had experience so we’ll have to be better about that.”
“Don’t worry about me ungloved. Haven’t fucked anyone for seven years.”
I felt my lips part and my eyes blink.