Baby.
I didn’t like that better than Cassie, but it worked.
Without a word, he rolled me to my back, over me, and let me go before he rolled out of bed on the side closest to the bathroom.
I pulled the sheet over me as I watched him go, but, to give him privacy, I stopped watching when he went in and I could see him because he didn’t close the door.
He was getting rid of the condom he’d slid on before coming inside, something he hadn’t slid on last night.
I was on the Pill, so that was not a concern.
Him having thirty-eight women was.
I heard the toilet flush, the tap go on and off, and not long later, he was back to me. On his side, elbow in the pillow, head in hand, he ran his other hand down my body, taking the sheet with him, his eyes watching it go, exposing me.
I felt his gaze like a touch on my skin, something I enjoyed immensely. But as much as I liked it and was glad we had a light on and I could see all of him (and there was a lot, and all of it was as beautiful as the promise that it would be), I wasn’t all that fired up with him seeing all of me when he didn’t have me panting.
Therefore, I rolled into him, pressing close, wrapping an arm around him, and nuzzling my face in his chest.
He trailed a hand down my back and again started tracing random patterns, but this time on the skin of my ass.
That felt better, enough that I shivered.
“Great ass,” he muttered like he was talking to himself. “Six years, saw it covered in shorts, jeans. Like it best like this.”
He was a guy. He would.
Then again, I was a girl and I shared this sentiment about him.
“Ditto with you,” I told his chest.
He fell to his back so he could wrap his arms around me, pull me up his chest, and get my eyes.
His were smiling.
And again, all was right in the world.
“Six years, never saw you smile,” I told him.
It was the wrong thing to say seeing as the smile died.
“Deacon?”
“Not easy, fightin’ your pull. Wantin’ to be right here. Knowin’ I was no good for you. Prayin’ you’d get a man so when I’d come back I’d have a reason to stay away.”
His words, words I liked at the same time not so much, made me slide a hand up his chest, his neck, and partly into his overlong hair where I played with the ends.
“Do you smile when you’re not here?”
“No.”
I knew it. I’d sensed it the moment I’d laid eyes on him. But the weight of that as a reality settled on me, making my head dip closer to his like I couldn’t hold it up anymore.
“So out there, you’re not happy?” I asked.
“No, Cassie.”
I held his eyes.