Bootsie followed.
I did what I always did, being careful. Before I put on my jeans, boots and coat, I took off Bootsie’s collar. You could hear it jingling.
They couldn’t hear it jingling.
I closed my door and we crept through my Daddy’s big house, quiet, so quiet. I’d learned not to make a noise, where to put my feet so they’d always hit carpet even in the dark.
We got to the backdoor and slid out, me and Bootsie.
Quickly, as quick as we could, we crossed the backyard. I could see the stables off to the side, Daddy’s horses shut tight against the cold. The pool was covered for the winter. Snow on the ground. I always worried Bootsie would fall in the pool under that cover and not be able to get out.
I hated winter.
I didn’t like summers much either.
Quiet, slow, I opened the back gate because it could creak if you didn’t do it careful-like. And I was always careful.
I’d learned.
I closed the gate behind us so they wouldn’t see it open. They might notice. They had before.
Or Daddy had.
That had been a bad night.
So I closed the gate. Always.
Bootsie and I moved through the snow and the trees. We did it fast. It felt good out there, the cold on my face, in my mouth, up my nose. I didn’t know why. It didn’t feel good normally, just nights like tonight.
I liked the quiet after all that noise too. I special-liked it after I’d hear the thump.
And I liked the cold up my nose.
Breathing it in.
And in.
And in.
Bootsie and I kept going through the woods and I wondered what would happen if we didn’t stop. Daddy hunted but he never took me. He said girls weren’t put on this earth to hunt. He said pretty little girls were put on this earth to do other things, like be pretty.
Daddy said I was very pretty but that wasn’t something you did. That was just something you were.
So I didn’t hunt with Daddy or fish with him or do any of the things he did with his buddies that sounded like all sorts of fun. I went to ballet classes which I hated. The teacher was mean and had a stick she’d bang against the wood floors and I didn’t like the sound and I had to wear stupid outfits.
Daddy didn’t listen when I said I’d rather go fishing.
Going fishing, he told me, wasn’t for pretty little girls either.
But I liked the lake. I liked water. I liked boats.
I liked all that a whole lot better than ballet.
Daddy didn’t care.
Maybe Bootsie and I could walk to the lake. Maybe we could even walk to the ocean. I’d been to the ocean once and I liked it. The sounds were good, the waves hitting the shore. I liked the sand under my feet, hard, tingly but still soft and fluffy. The sun felt better at the beach but that was because there was a breeze. It was hot and cool. I liked having both. Not hot and still. I didn’t like that.
Bootsie and me could walk to the beach. We could walk all the way to the ocean. Just go on and on and on. Maybe we’d find someone nice who’d give us food. If it took a long time, we’d find berries. I found wild strawberries all the time when summer was new, sometimes I could even find raspberries when it was old. We’d find nice people and berries and walk to the beach. Just keep going until all we could see was water forever and ever.