been fighting his inner demon his whole life, and now, with Luna close, the fucker had calmed.
His demon was as infatuated with Luna as he was.
Luna stayed in the bath until the water turned cold. Her hand sat against her chest. Nothing. Her heart had died in that basement, even if she hadn’t.
It made her feel even more of a monster than she already did. Yes, full-blooded vampires didn’t have a heartbeat, didn’t need to breathe, but she was half human. That slow steady thump in her chest had been a connection to that part of herself, to her mother, and to Ronan. She’d felt hers beating and imagined his beating in time.
But Ronan’s wasn’t beating anymore. It had stopped years ago after his powers had been ripped from him and given to another. After he’d been slaughtered.
She squeezed her eyes closed as her body shook and her chest ached. Her eyes stung, and something tickled her cheeks. She brushed her fingers over her skin. They came away red. Tears. And not the kind she got when she used her powers. This crying was an emotional response, and it wasn’t the first time it had happened. She’d done it when Gunner saved her, hadn’t she? Blood running hot and thick down her face.
There was no denying it now.
This was what it was like to have emotions.
She fucking hated it. The anger she’d been able to handle, these other feelings, not so much. It was as if she were in a raging tornado, being pulled in all different directions, and she wanted it to stop.
Swiping her tears away, she made herself open her eyes and fought the confusing feeling inside her. Thankfully, it was quickly replaced by rage. Yes, now she wanted to punch something.
Someone.
Sir would pay for what he did to Ronan. She would find a way to kill him like she’d always planned. Being here at the knights’ compound would make things more difficult, but she’d find a way. But first, she needed to find Spencer. If only she had the first clue how to go about it.
The water she was soaking in was gray and disgusting from the filth that had coated her body and now swirled with pink from her tears. Screwing up her face, she climbed out, drained the tub, and turned the shower on, nice and hot.
She climbed into the hot spray and sighed as she assessed her physical state. Gunner’s blood had definitely made her stronger.
God, what must he think of her? Having her latch on to his vein, sink her fangs into his flesh, and drink from him. How could he stand it? How had he not shoved her away in disgust?
Had he fed other dhampirs when they’d stayed here? She couldn’t be the only demi-demon whose demon half was vampire? Did the knights take turns? Whoever drew the short straw was stuck offering the bloodsuckers their vein?
Duty. Gunner had fed her out of duty, that was all.
But he’d been so…gentle with her, almost…affectionate? She knew what affection looked like. Humans showed it all the time. Hugging on the street, touching each other with wide smiles on their faces and color in their cheeks.
She shoved her head under the hot spray and shook her head. No. It was kindness, nothing else. She was just having trouble recognizing emotions in others, not surprising when she was still trying to understand her own. She’d never experienced affection before, or maybe she had but just couldn’t remember? Her mother was a shadow in the past now, the memories distant and faded. So how would she know how to tell the difference?
The knights were born to protect demi-demons like her. They fought hard to control the demons in this city, to stop Diemos from leaving Hell and invading Earth. Just being a demi put her under the umbrella of their protection. That’s all it was. The way Gunner had been with her in his bed had been all about duty. Nothing more.
“Love.”
She shivered. The way he said that all deep and raspy.
Why did he keep calling her that?
He probably called all demi that.
“There is nothing you could do, or say, nothing, that would cause me to harm you in any way.”
He said he’d never hurt her. Everyone who had ever said that to her had done the opposite. They’d lied, and they’d hurt her over and over again. She couldn’t allow herself to let her guard down, to fully trust him or the other knights. Her belly