Kiss Me in the Dark Anthology - Monica James Page 0,36
imagine the scene: Erika fucking Ellis on her knees, tears falling from her beautiful eyes as she relinquishes her illusion and embraces our new reality.
Staring through the lens at the screen before me, I watch her tits bounce and her perfect white teeth shine. Her lips are full, glossy, and red as they part with laughter.
How am I supposed to keep this camera steady as her giggles ring through the air? Even with my headset covering my ears, the pitch of her laughter can’t be missed. The man in makeup with slicked-back hair beside her is a prick. He doesn’t deserve her laughter or her words.
It isn’t a real laugh that I’m hearing, I reassure myself. It’s part of her act, part of her TV personality. It’s simply for the cameras, for the audience. Her real rings of laughter, moans of desire, and screams of pain are for my ears only.
My chest fills with pride to know that I’m the only one to hear those, the only one to love her. Let the chorus begin.
Erika
I sigh as I look across the table at my best friend. Jenn’s the one who has always been there for me, through thick and thin, through rejection and success. She’s my one friend who I feel I can show the true Erika, not the one the cameras see but the real person under the makeup and hair spray.
The dining room of the restaurant around us is mostly empty. It’s nearly three o’clock, late for the lunch crowd and too early for dinner. I’m due at the station in an hour for makeup, but I need this reprieve. I need my best friend, and as always, she’s here.
“Babe,” Jenn says softly, “a sigh isn’t an answer.”
“I just don’t think I have an answer.”
“Do you love him?”
I shrug in a noncommittal way. “I did. When he proposed, I did. When we were married, I did. I think I do. He’s like that sweatshirt you’ve had for so long, the one that keeps you warm and is always there, but it’s also different than when you first got it.” I tilt my head. “The shine is gone.”
“Is he different, or are you?”
I sigh. “I don’t know anymore.” I play with the ice in my water before looking up at Jenn’s blue eyes. “I mean, after all this time, the spark is supposed to die out, right?”
“No.”
“Oh, come on,” I say, lifting my brows. “You’re telling me that you and Paul still have the hots for one another, the same as when you first started dating?”
“Not the same. Better. We know each other. I know what he likes and vice versa.”
“Yeah, I get that, but it’s routine. Like tacos on Tuesday.”
Jenn laughs. “Really, Erika, when’s the last time you ate a taco?”
I look down at my Greek salad, complete with feta cheese, olives, and pine nuts. Even with a few slices of grilled chicken, the calorie count with the red vinegar dressing doesn’t exceed four hundred, and I only used a small part of the dressing. After the two-hour workout I had this morning with my trainer, preceded by a two-mile run with my husband, I should be hungrier. However, the mind is a powerful thing. Every ounce on my body looks like ten pounds on the television screen.
Damn high definition is the devil.
“Okay,” I admit. “So I don’t have tacos on Tuesday, but you know what I mean.”
“Mix it up. You could have fish tacos.”
I scrunch my nose. “I don’t think we’re really talking tacos. And truthfully, I don’t know if I have the energy.”
“To have sex with your handsome, supportive husband?”
“To have the desire to have sex. I’m not sure either of us is willing to try anymore.” I sigh again as I use my fork to separate the pine nuts from the lettuce. “It’s like there’s so much happening, too much to make our relationship a priority.” I look up as my pitch rises. “There’s a rumor that a local Chicago affiliate is looking for a new anchor. It’s the early morning slot, but it’s a step closer to a bigger market. It’s a giant market compared to Milwaukee. Just imagine a national affiliate. Erika Ellis...” I lift my hands as I say my name. “...bringing you the news from Chicago or New York. The news networks are where it’s at. I could have my own show...the Erika Ellis hour on MSNBC or CNN or CBS.”