been true to my own word. Have I…have I led her on?
That implies she has genuine feelings for me.
And I’m slowly beginning to believe she might. Impossible as it seems, I’m more than just security to her. My heart wants to rejoice. It orders me to kneel and beg her to be mine until the sun burns out of the sky. But is that what’s best for her?
No.
No, I’m not a king.
That is not in debate.
I’m unqualified. Unroyal. Unsightly.
Beneath her.
I have to help her see that. I have to do what’s best for Britta.
“What you said before, love…about me not leaving…”
She lifts her head and smiles at me, turning my throat crowded. “You are staying, right?” Her voice is so hopeful, it rends me in two. “You wouldn’t have…I mean…” Her face is starting to turn pink. “You wouldn’t have made love to me again if you were really going. You will be my king, Rex. Of course you will.”
Her king?
Oh God, I’ve been a selfish bastard. I’ve behaved atrociously.
“Will you be my king, Rex?” she asks haltingly, doubt already dancing in her eyes.
“Britta…” I begin unevenly, at a loss for words. There’s no way to explain myself. She was scared, she needed me, so I provided. I didn’t see this far in the future.
I’ve made her think the impossible was possible.
When I fail to continue, she pushes out of my hold, her feet settling on the earth for the first time since our embrace began. “You slept beside me that first night. You held me so tightly. A-and…you’ve kissed me, touched me, been inside of me. Did those moments mean nothing?”
Each one was a fucking gift from God.
But if I say that out loud, I’m leading her on further, aren’t I?
Worse than I’ve already done beneath the cover of these trees?
Me being king of Downsriver is a laughable idea and I’ve already established, I’m not standing by and watching her wed another.
All I can do here is let her go.
She will thank me one day. She will.
“All of those things, Your Majesty…” I swallow a handful of razor blades. “You ordered me to do them.”
Her face turns pale and for one horrible moment, I think she’s going to pass out.
“Rex…” she breathes, her voice dull, ghost-like. “You have broken my heart and it will never, ever be repaired.”
And then she turns and walks away.
“Britta,” I choke out, almost dropping to my knees. I’ve been shot full of arrows. She doesn’t stop, doesn’t glance back once on her way back to the palace.
What have I done?
Why doesn’t this feel like the right thing?
Blindly, I stumble toward the passed out imposter, searching him for weapons before stooping down and throwing him over my shoulder. Just get him to the authorities and go. That’s all I can do. I have hurt the queen and I should not be allowed within the palace walls.
I’m aching head to toe as I haul the unconscious man to the tower beside the palace, where the dungeons are located. I throw him down inside a cell and order it to be locked until the queen herself orders him set free, no exceptions, and then I start for the stables to collect my horse, my longing eyes on the queen’s bedchamber window all the while.
Is she in there? Crying?
Did I really break her heart? How is that I was capable of doing so?
I’m preparing to mount my horse when I hear the commotion.
It’s not the typical commotion heard within the palace walls.
This is much louder. There is shouting, men racing pasts on their mounts, guards firing arrows from the towers of the palace.
“We’re under attack!” someone shouts. “Soldiers from Northstream.”
My soul leaves my fucking body.
Under attack?
Britta.
Britta is in danger.
Who else is the biggest target but the queen?
With a bellow lodged in my throat, I sprint for the palace, sword drawn.
I realize in that split second that I’ve been an utter fool. I might have left, allowed her to marry another, but I would have come back again and again, every time she was in danger or facing difficulty. Staying away would have been impossible. But I’ve lost her now. I’ve lost her.
And now she could very well die before I reach her.
9
Britta
It hasn’t hit me until just now that I am the queen.
Yes, I knew the title was mine. But I am an eighteen-year-old girl with a broken heart, my parents are dead, my kingdom is under attack and there are dozens of men looking to me for