“Well, you’ve met him. Imagine having him come tell me that my girlfriend tried to seduce him.”
“That’s awful, Shane.” I understood where he was coming from, but that didn’t solve our issues. “Still, I’m not the girl who broke your trust. I didn’t try to seduce Noah. Whatever I said about him on a fan forum years ago isn’t reality. I never wanted to actually be with Noah.”
“What you wrote about Adam wasn’t years ago. That was today.”
I wanted to throttle him. “That was an article for fans. I wrote it as a fan.”
“There’s a magnitude of difference between being a casual fan and running a fan site.”
“Not really. It’s just a hobby. It’s not a criminal enterprise.”
“It’s more than just a ringtone of your favorite song. It’s an obsession.”
“Says the guy who collects specialty bacons.”
“Funny.”
“Come on, though. Guys get football and comic books. You get to actually be in a band. I wanted to learn how to code and talk about music. Where’s the sin in that?”
“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. What I said was it’s impossible not to wonder if you might want to parlay your connection to me into a chance to get closer to Noah or Adam or . . . I don’t know, absorb the atmosphere of the band. Or maybe gain some notoriety. Can’t you see this from my point of view?”
“Do you honestly think I’d be talking to you right now if I’d already gotten what I wanted? Wouldn’t I be done with you?”
“How the hell should I know? I could still be your permanent connection to the world you’ve been watching from afar for so long. I don’t want to be that person.”
Ugh. “Shane, it’s not my responsibility to make you trust people. I don’t want to spend my life trying to prove myself to you. You want assurances that simply don’t exist outside of a dictatorship. Is that really the kind of relationship you want to have?”
“Of course not.” His voice dropped low. “I want you, Layla. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. But I’m afraid.”
“I’m afraid, too, Shane. I’ve never experienced anything like this with anyone. For what it’s worth, I have doubts and trust issues, too, but I was hoping time might be the key.”
He sniffed, and I realized he was crying. Shit. “That’s what I’ve been asking you for. Can you give me that?”
“I don’t know.” Even if he got over this incident, I’d always have an uneasy feeling he was watching over my shoulder, checking up on me, questioning me. Where that might lead, I didn’t think I wanted to know. I needed him to be someone else. I needed him to stop making me feel like an opportunistic maneater, and he hadn’t managed to.
“I’ll be back next Sunday. Can we talk then?”
What more was there to say? I didn’t want to have this argument over and over. “I’ve moved my stuff out of your place. I’m looking for someplace permanent to live.”
“Right. You don’t need me anymore.”
“Jesus, Shane.” I welcomed back the anger. It was an easier emotion to endure. “Goodnight.”
“Night, Layla.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Throughout the weekend, I kept getting nice messages from people reaching out to remind me of times we’d interacted.
Jaclyn, the Theater of the Absurd fan site admin sent me a message titled: Congrats and a question.
Hey Pumpkin,
Now that you’re a big celebrity, it might be fun if you’d be willing to come over to my board and do a quick Q&A. I understand if you’re totally busy, but maybe when you get some free time. Everyone over here has tons of questions they’d love to ask you.
Let me know,
J
It cracked me up that she thought I was suddenly an interesting enough person that anyone would want to interview me, but then again, if our positions had been reversed, I probably would have done the same thing. The fans would be happy to talk with anyone who had connections to the band.
A couple of people I’d never spoken to in my life directly, though their screen names and avatars were familiar, contacted me with invitations.
Hey, I see that you’re friends with Adam. My band will be playing a gig in Queens tomorrow night. It would be awesome if the two of you came. Let me know and I’ll send you the deets.
As if I could drag Adam out to see any random band perform. Nice try though.