as she reads the screen over my shoulder. Yeah, this is not going to go over well if Killer sees me on this site.
Getting off the homepage, I go to my profile so I can deactivate and delete my account for good. Honestly, I’m not even sure why the hell I wanted to sign up for this. I got a few messages just before Killer got to my sister’s place. They were guys looking for a hook-up. That’s not anything I’m interested in. I want someone to want me for me and who is looking into something long term. Not just a night. If I wanted that, I’d find a man when we have a girl’s night out or something.
Once my account is gone, Sam and I sit on the couch. She grabs the remote and turns music on. It won’t be long before we’re moving the coffee table out of the way and start dancing around the room. Killer isn’t here so I’ll dance. Sam doesn’t care who sees her dancing, I do. I try not to dance in front of anyone. That’s why I really don’t dance when we go to a bar or club.
“So, you’re back here again. I’m assuming Killer said something good enough to get you here,” Sam says, not holding anything back as usual.
“He told me he’s going to make me his ol’ lady, marry me, give me babies, and then showed me a tattoo he just got done for me. I’m still not sure this is going to end the way he thinks it will, but I have to take this chance with him I guess. If not, it will be my biggest regret,” I inform her, knowing deep in my heart I’m right.
If I don’t let myself take this chance with him, I’ll regret it forever. Killer is almost everything I think I want in a man. He’s protective, smart, soft when it comes to me, and a million other things I love. I could go on and on about the qualities I find in him I like. Unfortunately, I won’t bore anyone with all that information. Just spend a little time with him and you’ll see everything I’m talking about.
“Damn!” Sam says, sitting cross-legged on the couch next to me. “I’d probably have fucked him right then and there.”
I blush at her words. That’s not how I am. I’m not going to sit here and say I don’t want to have sex with Killer; it’s run through my mind more than one time. However, I know I’m lacking considering I’ve only been with one in my life. My sexual experience consists of rape and Neil fucking me whenever he wanted to. There was no kissing or anything else. He’d stick his dick in me, pump a few times, and it would be over with.
“What’s the next thing you want to do?” Sam questions me as she searches up YouTube for something to listen to.
“I think I want to learn self-defense. That way I’ll never have to worry about being able to protect myself again. I mean there may always end up being a situation I won’t be able to use the techniques I learn. Still, it will make me feel better,” I tell her honestly.
Learning self-defense is something I’ve been wanting to learn for a while now. I’ve never talked to anyone about it though. Kim probably would’ve been all for it. However, she’d want to join in to show support and can’t always do it. Fox probably could’ve taught me how to defend myself, but I don’t want to put that on him.
“Talk to Killer about it,” Sam finally tells me. “He’ll be able to set you up with someone he trusts to make sure you learn what you need to know.”
“I’ll do it when he gets home today. If he can’t help me, then I’ll go to Fox or something,” I respond to her as she finds what she’s looking for.
Hold On by Chord Street plays from the TV. Sam feels this song fits her and Playboy from when he was in jail and she left the club with a secret. I’m happy he found her and brought her home. She’s my partner in crime and I’d be lost without her.
“Where are the kids today?” I ask her suddenly.
“With their daddy. He wanted some one on one time with them today for a while,” she answers, laughter filling her voice.
Playboy doesn’t ever feel as if he gets enough time