‘I can help’ when I complained about my calculus class.”
That was so typically Ethan that Casey’s shoulders slumped and he squeezed his eyes closed.
“What happened between you?”
“And more importantly,” Brant said, “when are you going to kiss and make up?”
Casey popped his eyes open to glare at him. “You do know we’re not actually together, right?” The words had a hollow ring to them.
Brant rolled his eyes. “Why am I the only one who can see that you’ve been dating this whole time?”
“No—”
“Yes. When he’s not sleeping over at your dorm, you’re sleeping over at the House, even though it’s against House rules. He meets you in the quad after class so you can walk to lunch together. You’re always looking for each other in a crowd. You exchange casual touches no two guys who are just friends would ever exchange.” Sticking a finger in Casey’s face when Casey opened his mouth to respond, Brant added, “And that was before the whole fake-boyfriends thing. I mean, what would change if you were in a real relationship? Nothing, except you’d add sex and kissing to the mix. Assuming you’re both into sex and kissing, and if you’re not, then literally nothing would change.” Brant planted his hands on the desk and leaned closer to Casey. “So tell me again how you’re not dating?”
Casey could only blink at him.
“I think you broke him,” Theo whisper-shouted. Then, louder, “And anyway, that’s not the only reason we’re here.”
“Why are you here?”
Theo shrugged. “We wanted to make sure you’re okay and see if there’s anything we can do to help.”
“Oh, that’s . . . really nice, but there’s nothing you can do. It’s for me and Ethan to figure out.”
“What happened anyway?”
Wincing, Casey picked at a piece of old tape stuck to the desktop. “He asked me if I wanted to be real boyfriends and I . . .” Another wince. “. . . laughed at him.”
Brant punched his arm. “Dude!”
“Ow.”
“That was really mean,” Theo said quietly. “Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t mean to!” Throwing his hands up, Casey groaned. “I thought he was joking. And by the time I realized he wasn’t . . .”
“Oh.” Theo’s entire expression went sad. “Poor Ethan.”
“And then I sort of . . . let him believe I didn’t return his feelings?”
Brant rolled his eyes with a muttered, “Jesus,” as if Casey was a child he was exasperated with.
“But you do return his feelings, don’t you?” Theo asked, inquisitive in that way he had that should’ve been intrusive, yet wasn’t. “Why’d you let him believe otherwise?”
Casey rubbed his hands over his face. Sure, he’d been dying for human conversation, but not this kind of conversation. “It’s easier this way.”
Brant flicked Casey on the forehead. “Man up.”
“Hey!”
“I think that’s sexist,” Theo muttered.
“Whatever you’re afraid of,” Brant went on with another flick.
“Ow.” Casey batted his hand away. “Stop that.”
“Get the fuck over it and move on.”
“It’s not that simple!”
“Yes, it is. You’re just too chickenshit to try.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.” Brant planted his hands on his hips. “What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of him dying, okay?”
He didn’t care that it was slightly irrational. He didn’t care that his shout made Sasha slink under the nearest table. He didn’t care that saying it out loud made the fear that always lived in the back of his mind uncurl and stretch. He cared that, unless he croaked first, someday, Ethan would leave him.
“I’m afraid of him dying, just like my dad. Just poof! Gone one day because somebody slacked off and made a mistake, and other people paid the price.” Gone before Casey could talk to Dad about what it meant that he was attracted to both boys and girls. Gone before Dad could take him on that trip to the antique show. Gone before they could track down the history of the coin around his neck.
Gone way before his time.
Theo’s eyes went sad. “Ethan told me once that his mom died in the same construction site accident as your dad.”
“Yeah.” Casey blew out a hard breath and ran a palm over his chest. “Everyone we love dies.”
Theo and Brant didn’t seem to know what to say to that.
Until Brant snorted, full of contempt. “Well, duh.”
Casey stared at him in surprise. He wasn’t the only one—Theo’s jaw had dropped at his audacity.
“Look around you, Casey.” Brant waved a hand. “Everyone you know is going to die at some point. Ethan too.”
The casual way he said it made Casey’s breath catch, but