you face your fears: I’m perched on a fucking ledge, barely wide enough for my size seven shoes—obviously I couldn’t have done this in sneakers, no sir. I’m wearing high heeled stilettos because of that stupid high rollers game and my balance is precarious enough without counting the fact that my knees feel like jelly and my teeth are chattering. My hands are gripping the wrought iron of the railing so hard that they’re certainly turning white and my whole body feels like it’s made of stone and rubber at the same time. Stone because I’ve tensed up so much that all my muscles are on high alert, rubber because at the same time, I have no strength left to control my movements, because all my effort is being used not to plummet to my death in this warm winter night in Monte Carlo. So my fears aren’t going anywhere for the time being and neither am I, I think while closing my eyes to avoid looking down at the tiled floor of the extensive gardens that surround the hotel’s main building.
“Baby, we need to start moving. Look, the balcony of our suite is only about a hundred feet. We’ll be in our room in no time.”
I would shake my head but I really, really can’t move. So I force myself to speak. “I can’t Kaden. I can’t even keep my eyes open or I’ll look down. I’m shaking, if I move, I know that I’ll fall.”
Kaden’s voice is firm and calm, the only thing that is keeping me from totally freaking out right now. All my energy is being used to hold onto that railing, so I don’t realize what’s happening until I feel Kaden’s strong fingers over mine. He’s trying to get me to let go of the railing and take his hand.
“I … I can’t. I can’t,” I cry, tightening my grip on the railing and shaking so hard that one of my ankles turns and due to the precarious support of my heels, I almost totally lose my balance.
It happens so fast and I barely realize I’ve let go of my grip on the railing to try and balance myself by flailing my arms around.
It’s just by sheer luck that I fall sideways rather than forward and I don’t know how but Kaden catches me and lifts me up in his arms, so I find myself chest to chest with him and instinctively wrap my legs around his hips. So I’m in his arms but my back is now to the void behind me. The tears that I was barely holding in, decide to spill out as the floodgates open and I hide my face in the crook of his neck.
“Baby, you’re ok. I got you. See? I’m going to walk us to our room, you just need to hold onto me, ok? Don’t let go until I put you down on the inside of our balcony. Got it?”
His clean scent of cotton and sunscreen and the low, deep sound of his voice soothe me enough that I can murmur a shaky, “Yes”. I can feel him moving on the ledge, step after step and he’s solid and steady, confident and fast. I whimper when I feel him try to lift me away from him but he tells me that we’re there and he’s just lifting me over the railing of our balcony and onto safety.
As soon as my feet feel the ceramic tiles of the balcony, my knees totally give in and I slump on the floor, opening my eyes to see Kaden step inside the balcony. He lifts me in his arms again, holding me against his chest as I can finally cry without holding back as the tension gradually leaves my body and I’m wracked by shuddering sobs. I feel weak and defeated, this isn’t me, I don’t usually cower in the face of danger. Kaden walks inside his bedroom directly from the sliding door of the balcony and sits on his bed with me still in his arms.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, still crying. “I almost killed us because of my fear. I—” Kaden’s hand cups my jaw and he looks into my eyes with a serious warmth in his dark blue gaze.
“Baby, you never have to apologize to me. We all have fears and we all have shit that will paralyze us when faced with it. Just remind me not to take you skydiving for our first anniversary.”
I’m giggling and crying at