from how good she fucking feels. I take my time, staying pushed to the hilt without moving. Stretching her, filling her, wanting to feel every goddamn second of her heat wrapped around me.
She’s not shivering anymore.
As long as she has me, she’ll never know anything but warmth.
“I fucking love you,” I say almost painfully as I slide out again. I feel open, raw, and bare. I know she can see right through me, and yeah, I’m fucking scared.
I’ll always be scared when it comes to her, because that’s how this works. This is what love does. It fucks you up and puts you back together over and over again until the only thing that can hold your pieces, is the person that caused all the breakage.
She doesn’t break me. I want to clarify.
The outside world threatens to break her, to break us, and that’s what fucking hurts. The pain of living this life without her is unnatural now that I’ve had a taste of what the good life is.
“I love you too, Amos.” Her hips rock against mine, and I take her slow like this, just like this, with the water dripping down our bodies and the steam in the air.
With broken, desperate breaths we cling onto one another as I fill the ache in my chest with her love, her touch, her presence.
She says everything is in Kansas, and she’s wrong.
Violet is everything.
“Hey, brother,” I greet Wolf, who is sitting in the sand staring out at the ocean. There’s a nice fire going to keep us warm, and he has one of Arrow’s juice boxes in his hand.
“Hey,” he replies.
The greeting is short and dull. I don’t plan on going anywhere. He hasn’t talked to anyone, and I plan on him talking to me. It hurts like hell to see him like this. Out of everything, this might be the thing that fucking kills him.
Heartache.
It’s a real bitch.
I peer over my shoulder to see my sister Stevie talking to Violet. They have plans to go get their nails done and whatever girly shit girls do. One-Eye and Carson will be going with them to keep an eye on them. Should be an easy enough job for the new prospect. All threats have been taken care of, so they should be okay.
I had to tell my Mom Nigel died in a hit-and-run accident overseas since Nigel always kept in touch with her by sending her postcards. She cried, but I didn’t.
I knew his truth.
“Abigale would have loved it here,” Wolf says out of the blue. “I sit out here, day after day, staring at the ocean, staring at the sunset, and I always go to reach for her hand,” he scoffs at himself as if he is an idiot for doing that. “She’s dead, and I still reach for her.”
He shows me by picking up a clump of sand. “And all I’m left with is this. I tell myself she isn’t here, but I swear to god, I feel her all around me, man,” his voice breaks, and it has me getting a little choked up too. “She’s here, and I can’t see her. I can’t touch her. I can’t hear her voice. I’m just left with staring at the fucking waves she loved so much and the orange in the sky when the sun sets because it was her favorite color.”
He turns his eyes to me, the whites of them brimming red with tears. “I love her, and I don’t think I’ll ever love like that again. I don’t want to. She was beyond… everything.”
“I’m so sorry, Wolf. Have you talked to Rayleen? Maybe talking to her will make things better.”
“Nah, don’t feel like talking to her. Don’t feel like talking to anyone. I’ve been ignoring her calls.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t push everyone away. We are here for you, Wolf. We aren’t going anywhere.”
“She wasn’t supposed to go anywhere either, and now I’m left figuring out how to take my next breath.” He stands up and throws the juice box into the fire pit. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you around, Kansas.”
“I’m always here for you to talk, Wolf.”
“I know.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, hunches his shoulders, and vanishes to his room.
Stevie and Violet sit on either side of me. Violet holds my hand and leans against my shoulder. “How is he?” she asks.
“Not good. I’m worried about him,” I admit, throwing a shell closer to where the waves crash onshore.
Violet is finally all healed up, and she’s kept that side of her head shaved. She looks like a little badass. Until a bug flies around her, and then I’m there to save the day.
“We will keep an eye on him,” Stevie says.
Falling into the big brother mode was easy when it came to my siblings. Once I let go of the anger, accepting them was one of the easiest things I ever did. They don’t plan on going anywhere, even after Dad passes, which he will, because the bone marrow transplant didn’t work. I’m still mad at him, and there is a part of me that will never forgive him, but it’s been good talking to him in the last months of his life.
“Hey,” Violet says, opening my arms wide while she wiggles between my legs. She rests the back of her head on my chest, and we stare out toward the sunset together. “Hold me?” she asks, reminding me of the first few encounters we had.
“You never have to ask, Springs.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her close.
Holding is how it all started.
I fell in love with her with an embrace.
I’ll make sure I die in one too.
KANSAS CITY BY THE NEW BASEMENT TYPES
DUST IN THE WIND BY KANSAS
WICHITA FALLS BY HOUSTON MARCHMAN
OKLAHOMA SKY BY MIRANDA LAMBERT
TELL ME SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TULSA BY GEORGE STRAIT
HANG ME IN THE TULSA COUNTY STARS BY JOHN MORELAND
YOUR MAN BY JOSH TURNER
I WILL POSSESS YOUR HEART BY DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
TAKE YOUR TIME BY SAM HUNT
CRY WOLF BY LUNA SHADOWS
Wow. It’s been a year! Thank you to all the Ruthless Readers that have stuck by us on this crazy first run.
Give Me Books you’ve been with us since day 1. 365 days later and you’re still there. We thank you for all you do.
To all the bloggers who reviewed and shared Kansas thank you.
I know I say it every time, but none of this would be possible without Wander and Andrey. Andrey and I shared a conversation where he said the universe would give back to us when we were discussing a donation we planned for Wander’s birthday. What Andrey fails to see is, the universe gives back to us daily because we have them in our lives and that is right there is everything. Added bonus they share Donna and Jenny with us.
Donna you are the third in our threesome! Yes, there are four of us, but you get two for the price of one. #BOOMERISDONNAS
Stacey at Champagne Book Design you continue to one up yourself every time. We could not be happier the amazing job you do.
To my Instigator………….
Lynn, I know I’ve sucked these last two months, but thanks for having patience.
Carolina thank you for all your hard work.
The Harloe Rae I miss your face. Thanks for always being there for my thousand and one questions.
Mom #moretti.is.moms *Lynn here—Don’t worry mom, Mateo and I will send you strawberries for your birthday.*
Jeff 5 LITTLE WORDS…*Still thinking of those sexy arms-The Instigator*
Austin as always y’all are such a blessing
Kay, where do we even start. You are a force to be reckoned with. Like, a category 5 hurricane, lmfao. We all drive each other crazy sometimes, but that is bound to happen with people that work as closely as we do. We still love you at the end of each and every single day. We wouldn’t be where we are without you. Love you lots—Lynn and The Instigator
PREQUEL—REAPER’S RISE
BOOK ONE—REAPER
BOOK TWO—BOOMER
BOOK THREE—TOOL
BOOK FOUR—POODLE
BOOK FIVE—SKIRT
BOOK SIX—PIRATE
BOOK SEVEN—DOC
BOOK EIGHT—TONGUE
BOOK NINE—A RUTHLESS CHRISTMAS
BOOK TEN—KNIVES
BOOK ELEVEN—TONGUE’S TARGET
BOOK TWELVE—BULLSEYE
BOOK THIRTEEN—ORBITING MARS
BOOK FOURTEEN—SLINGSHOT
BOOK FIFTEEN—TONGUE’S TASTE
BOOK SIXTEEN—BADGE
OTHER BOOKS IN THE RUTHLESS KINGS SERIES
A RUTHLESS HALLOWEEN
ROYAL BASTARDS THRASHER
RUTHLESS ASYLUM
BOOK ONE—LUNATIC
RUTHLESS KINGS MC™ ATLANTIC CITY
BOOMER’S RISE
BOOK TWO—KANSAS
BOOK THREE—WOLF
RUTHLESS KINGS MC™ BATON ROUGE
BOOK ONE COWBOY
RUTHLESS HELLHOUNDS MC
BOOK ONE—MERCY
RUTHLESS NOMADS
BOOK ONE—SAVAGE
BOOK TWO—COUNTRY
RUTHLESS ASYLUM
BOOK ONE—LUNATIC
BOOK TWO—CHAOTIC
BOOK THREE—EPATHIC
MORETTI SYNDICATE
BOOK ONE MATEO
ROYAL BASTARDS MC PORTLAND OREGON
THRASHER
RUTHLESS INK
BOOK ONE—LUCIFER
RUTHLESS SURVIVAL
BOOK ONE—SURVIVE
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