He grabs me in a hug and drags me against him. I try to push away the thoughts of him without clothes on, but the moment my head is against his chest, I feel at ease. I feel safe. I have to be losing my mind to be throwing so much at this man who I barely know. This man who I just saw kill multiple people. This man who seems to have as many demons in his closet as I do, probably more. But I feel like in this sea that’s constantly trying to drown me, I’ve finally found a raft, though it’ll only hang around if I cling onto it tightly.
“Thank you, Shepherd. Thank you for giving it all up. Even if it was kind of a fucked-up place, it was your home, it was your place in the world and you barely knew me.”
He squeezes me. “It was never the place where I wanted to belong. So now, let’s hope I can find a new place that’s much better.”
“Me too.”
As silence falls on us, I refuse to let go because I’m afraid that if I let go, I’ll continue bobbing in the ocean, and when I open my eyes, the raft will be nowhere to be seen.
Age Sixteen
The noise coming from the living room fills up the entire house. Even from the second floor I can hear it escalating, probably as the level of intoxication rises. But I’m starving, and I know that if I don’t brave it now, it’ll just get worse later.
Slowly and quietly, I make my way down the stairs, hoping to remain unnoticed. But the moment I turn the corner, I nearly run into Deputy Chief Parker.
“Hey, kiddo. Didn’t know you were here,” he says, giving me a thin smile as he pats me on the back. Then he grabs my wrist and pulls me after him. When I stop moving, it snaps him to a stop, and he turns to look at me with narrowed eyes. “What the fuck you doing, kiddo?”
“I’m getting something to eat and then I’m going upstairs,” I say.
He yanks me forward even harder and I’m dragged into the living room where the noise is originating from. “Well, well, well, William, you didn’t tell me your little kiddo was in the house,” he states.
The noise in the room nearly drops to silence as eyes shift between me and my father.
Father walks over to us, a cruel smile on his thin lips, and I don’t know who that smile is for. Me? Or Parker? I can only pray it’s the latter.
“You didn’t ask, now did you?” Father asks as he grabs my wrist and yanks it from Parker’s grasp, causing pain to flare in my arm.
“This is a bit of a problem, isn’t it?” a man I don’t know says.
“What?” Father asks.
The man waves at me. “That your son is here.”
“Is it?” Father asks as he squeezes my wrist even tighter than Parker did. “Killian, did you hear anything?”
I shake my head because really, I hadn’t been trying to listen. “My room is too far away. I didn’t even realize there were this many people over. I just came down for supper,” I say, even though it’s nearly midnight. I’d hoped they’d leave, but it’s clear they weren’t going to. Now it’s more obvious than ever that I should have just stayed upstairs.
“See? My boy is no little narc. He knows his place, don’t you, Killian?”
I nod, knowing there’s only one way to answer this.
“Now I’ll go get him something to eat and send him on his way,” Father says as he drags me after him and into the kitchen. “What the fuck are you doing?” he growls.
“I-I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to come down. I thought it was just a few of your work friends,” I say.
“I told your mom to tell you. What the fuck is she doing again?”
“I haven’t seen her. I’m sorry. I’ll go back upstairs and be quiet.”
“You’d fucking better. If you utter a word about this, it’ll be your tongue they take, got it?”
I nod as he walks over to the fridge and grabs the first things he sees, a bagel and cream cheese, before shoving me back toward the stairs with them in my arms. I quickly rush up the stairs, glad to get away. When I reach my bedroom, I close the door but I can’t lock it—my father took the lock off many years ago—so I slide my dresser