Just Breathe Again - Mia Villano Page 0,13
question. She couldn’t afford a decent haircut, let alone major work. What she could afford at that moment was coffee, and stat. Coffee could make everything better and put her in a better mood after the crazy morning. The drive-thru at Starbucks called her name, as it did every day driving past. Grabbing a Starbucks was a luxury she rarely indulged in, but an Americano was what she needed. She scrounged enough change lying around the Jeep to come up with enough money. She was already late, what was a few more minutes?
The past two years were hell on her looks, her body, her mind, and her life in general. Her once fit-self was a distant memory. Ever since the accident and losing Vince, her looks and body had taken a back seat. Working out or looking good, no longer mattered to her like it once did. The one person she wanted to look good for wouldn’t be there to see her. Now she looked like one of those women who fit in the trailer park: worn out, washed out, and hopeless.
Since she gained weight over the last year and had no money, she bought her clothes at the thrift store. A couple of years ago Jeannie would have not stepped foot in a second hand store, let alone buy anything. Now, she had no choice and nothing looked good on her since she gained weight. Her job helped to put on the extra pounds and added to her self-consciousness. Every week they had food brought in to the office. She couldn’t resist the various high calorie snacks calling her name. Late night eating at the restaurant when she worked, didn’t help either. They ate unhealthy food at home because they had to eat cheap. Dinner used to be either organic or vegetarian, but now it was from a drive-thru window or a box.
She was thirty-seven years old, widowed, bankrupt, overweight, and living in a single wide trailer. She had two children, two jobs, and about two dollars in her bank account. She was lonely and missed someone in her bed. Missing her husband still hurt her soul. Jeannie still couldn’t imagine anyone taking Vince’s place and probably never would. Even after two years, she cried every night for the man she loved more than anything. Jeannie feared her life would never be the same again. She was a living country song and her life couldn’t get much worse, she thought.
It was two years ago, she lived the dream. Jeannie was a stay-at-home mom in a 4,000 square-foot home, with her biggest stress of the day being the car pool, and what to make for dinner. Lately, her biggest stress was being able to afford dinner and having enough gas to get to work and school. What a difference two years made, thought Jeannie, as she sped to Starbucks.
The last two years, Jeannie suffered a depression she feared would send her away to the looney bin. She didn’t think she could snap out of her utter despair, and neither did anyone else. Her friendship with her best friend, Marsha seemed to fizzle for a while. The distance had nothing to do with Marsha, she tried to stay close to Jeannie. Jeannie was so consumed with grief she didn’t want anyone around her. Many times Marsha called and wanted to spend time with her and the kids only to have her calls ignored. Jeannie was not happy with ignoring Marsha and every day she told herself that she needed to call her, only to forget. On top of that, Jeannie was just too embarrassed of their current situation to let anyone from her past see how they were living, including Marsha.
Like a car with no breaks going down a hill, everything happened at once. She couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried. The accident, loss of her home, and the reality of living in poverty, took over every waking moment of Jeannie’s life. The idea her children could not have what they wanted or needed tore at her heart. Once a happy wife and mother, she was now a single, lonely, struggling mom, with no hope or happiness. She tried to keep her head together, but along with everything else in her life, her mental state suffered. Jeannie made it through the days by the skin of her teeth, if she kept busy. The nights terrified her and were endless. Not hearing his breathing or having his warm body next