especially the face Andrew was pulling.
“Ha-fucking-ha,” Andrew deadpanned, but the corners of his mouth twitched, and then he was laughing, too.
And Logan stared.
He had never seen Andrew laugh. Not like this: with pure mirth on his face, his eyes bright and soft, and his smile blinding.
He was beautiful.
It was the first time he thought of Andrew as beautiful. Handsome, hot, attractive, lovely—yes, but never beautiful. Beauty came from within; it wasn’t just a physical attribute.
But fuck, he was beautiful, all laughing eyes, wild curls, and cherry red lips.
And Logan loved him.
He loved him.
“What?” Andrew said, smiling. “Why are you looking at me that way?”
Later. He could freak out later.
“No reason,” Logan said hoarsely, pulling Andrew closer and kissing him.
Andrew’s lips parted for his tongue immediately, and the world around them faded away—until the slam of the door made them flinch and break the kiss.
Logan turned his head and found himself looking at Colin’s sneering face.
“Not a homo, huh?” Colin said, glaring at Andrew. “You didn’t waste time after Vivian’s death.”
Andrew jumped away from Logan as though he’d been burned. “I—It isn’t what it looks like!”
Logan suddenly felt cold, and it had little to do with the chilly November weather.
Colin scoffed and stalked toward his car. He slammed its door hard and took off, leaving a deafening silence in his wake.
It isn’t what it looks like.
Logan bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood.
It shouldn’t have hurt.
It shouldn’t have mattered.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t known that Andrew would never want people to find out about them. He’d known. He’d always known he shouldn’t allow himself to get attached to a “straight” guy. He’d known it would only lead to heartbreak if he was stupid enough to fall for Andrew. He’d known.
Idiot. He was an idiot.
“All right, I can’t do it,” he said without looking at Andrew.
“Do what?”
Logan suddenly craved a cigarette. It’d been years since he’d quit, but he’d never wanted to smoke this badly.
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Us,” he said.
“I… I don’t understand.” Andrew’s voice was so small that Logan had to stop himself from looking at him. Looking at him would be a terrible fucking idea. He was weak. He could never say no whenever Andrew looked at him in that particular way, his eyes wide and lips trembling.
“I’ve been out for nearly twenty years, Drew,” he said quietly, looking at his car. “I’m not going back into the closet for you—for anyone. I’m not going to be your dirty little secret and live a lie while you act like we’re nothing to each other in public. I’m too damn old for this shit.”
There was only silence in response, heavy and tense.
Sighing, Logan headed to his car.
He didn’t get far: Andrew’s hand grabbed his arm. “But the therapist said—”
“I know,” Logan said, his back to him. Andrew’s touch seemed to be burning him even through the layers of fabric. He wanted to turn around and take him into his arms. He wanted to look into Andrew’s eyes and allow himself to feel things he had no business feeling, not for this man. “And I’m sorry. I know it’s hard for you. It’s hard for me, too. I thought I could do this, but I was wrong. We’ll only be making a bigger mistake if we continue living in each other’s pockets.” He ran a hand over his face, his voice dropping. “I can’t do it, okay? I’m not a goddamn robot, Drew.”
“But…” Andrew whispered, his voice barely audible. “But I need you.”
Logan’s chest hurt. “I need you, too,” he admitted. “But needing isn’t enough. Need and want are different things, and you don’t want this.” You don’t want me.
“And you do?” Andrew said, his grip on Logan’s arm still unrelenting, almost painful.
I shouldn’t.
Logan’s throat felt raw. He knew it was goodbye, and part of him, the part that still considered this man an extension of himself, actively rebelled against the idea, refusing to accept it.
But he knew it was the right decision. The only correct decision. Andrew wasn’t going to suddenly accept that he was interested in men—that the island had been more than just an unhealthy phase. He would always consider his feelings for Logan as something that needed to be cured. He would never agree to be in a gay relationship openly, and that would effectively force Logan back into the closet. Then there would be mutual resentment and anger, which would eventually turn their already less-than-conventional relationship