Hours later, Wes kissed him awake. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“You needed it.” Justin kissed him back, his eyes not open yet. “You’re exhausted.”
Wes sighed. He sat up, his body pressed against Justin’s from their knees to their shoulders. “This season is way more than I expected. Every week is punishing. Every defense tries to take me out. Every school wants to be known as the one who took us down. And then there’s the media, and the attention…”
“And us.”
“That’s not exhausting.”
“Well.” Justin smirked and winked. Wes snorted. “I meant the secrecy,” Justin said. “Making sure no one finds out.”
“Sometimes I think about quitting,” Wes whispered. “Sometimes I want to. Because even with all this, the chance at an undefeated season and the national championship? All the publicity and the craziness? All I want to do is take your hand in the middle of campus. Kiss you before a game, like the guys do with their girlfriends. I want to give you a family ticket and have you sit with the rest of the VIPs.” He traced Justin’s fingers, the lines of his palm. “I thought it would be easier to keep things separate. But I feel like I’m shredding apart.”
“Do we need to take it slower? Maybe cool down for a bit?”
Wes grabbed his hand, squeezed so hard Justin flinched. “No, please. Anything but that.”
“I didn’t mean take a break, or break up. I just meant maybe cool off how much we see each other—”
“Seeing you is the only thing that’s keeping me together.”
“But…”
Wes took Justin’s face in his hands and pushed their foreheads together. “Not that. Please. Anything but that.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Darkness fell over Wes’s gaze, and his eyes slid away from Justin’s. “I don’t feel like I do enough for you. You come to my games, and I take you to parking lots in the middle of nowhere.”
“But I love that.” He cupped Wes’s jaw. Felt his muscles trembling. “Hey. I do. I love watching you play, and I love when we do this, or when it’s just you and me sitting on the hood of your car eating Wendy’s. I love everything we do together.”
“You deserve more.”
“I want what we have.” Wes still looked like he’d been kicked in the kneecaps. He still wouldn’t look at Justin. “We knew exactly what this was going to look like while you were playing,” Justin said, dragging Wes’s chin up until their eyes met. “I don’t want anything else. I only want you.”
“I want more,” Wes mumbled. “I want to be with you. Really with you. Out and in the open. I want the world to know I love you.” He turned into Justin’s handhold and kissed his palm. “It kills me that I can’t right now. I wish I could have told the guys about you. Or told that reporter that I was seeing my boyfriend tonight.”
“I know.” He stroked Wes’s cheek. Ran his fingertips over Wes’s stubble. “You give so much to your team. I know it hurts now. I feel it, too. But I tell myself, what’s two years when we have forever together?”
Finally, Wes smiled, so big and wide Justin felt Wes’s dimples form beneath his palm. “Yeah. Forever sounds pretty good.”
They drove home holding hands, Wes with his head tipped sideways on Justin’s shoulder. He was quiet, more so than usual, and Justin rubbed his thumb over the back of Wes’s hand as he took the long route back to campus.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Wes asked when they hit the outskirts of the city. “Are you going back to Dallas?”
“I hadn’t decided yet. What are you doing? You have a game on Friday.”
“The biggest game of the season. Two undefeated teams going head to head. Betting is already off the chain in Vegas. It’s a home game, so it’s going to be insane. People are coming back to campus early. Alumni and major donors are flying in.”
Justin squeezed his hand. “Does the team go home that week? Or do you stay and practice?”
“We stay and practice. We have a team Thanksgiving on Thursday. I liked it in the past.”
“In the past?”
“I’d rather be with you this year.”
“If I stay in town, I can pick up some extra clinical rotations over the holiday. That would advance my placement, and I could have an easier schedule later on. More free time to spend with you.”
“Do you want to stay, though? Working over break sounds like no fun.”