is a media day – lots of pictures and interviews so maybe it’s good you are three thousand miles away and I can’t stay up all night like I surely would if you were mine.
Finn
Feb 17, 3:42 a.m.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Can’t Sleep
Do you have nights where you lie awake thinking about stupid shit like what a jackass you were in primary school? Why in the world did I tease Beth Shart until she cried? A name like that was too easy. What a jerk I was.
I got injured at practice today. Nothing major, just an old calf sprain that gives me trouble from time to time. It’s probably the meds that are keeping me awake. I think I’d prefer the pain to lying in bed all night with nothing but my own thoughts.
Thoughts mostly about you. Beth Shart was only a fleeting memory. You’re always there, Adele Marie Bateman. I guessed on the middle name. What is it? I think I’ll hold mine hostage too, but I will tell you that I’m named after my grandfather.
Finn L. McCash
Feb 25, 7:20 p.m.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Goodbye
It’s been two months and I think I’ve reached the limits of my pride. This is the last time I’m going to email you unless I hear back. Ball is in your court. A terrible phrase, but appropriate for the circumstances.
I hope you’re insanely happy in New York. I hope you’re enjoying new adventures and taking life by the balls. Sometimes I even hope you’re happy with the boyfriend...errr fiancé.
I don’t know what the hell kind of blip on the radar you and I were. Was I supposed to learn something? Appreciate life more? See a different life for myself? Well congratulations universe, you win. I had a glimpse and it was ripped away before I had time to figure out what it meant. I’ve never felt this way.
I think it might mean I’m in love with you.
Waiting for you to send my balls back,
Finn
Finn
“McCash! Get your sexy ass in here,” Foster called out as he caught sight of me hobbling into the locker room.
My calf throbbed at a tempo that matched the pounding in my head. I took a seat in front of my locker and winced.
“Calf bothering you that much?” Foster asked and then a slow smile spread across his face. “Or is that a new sex injury from Juliaaaanna?” He exaggerated her name, drawing it out and grinning like an idiot.
Kenton nodded. “We need the details from last night. Like immediately.”
“First of all,” I said as I pulled my t-shirt over my head. “Nothing happened and secondly, telling my buddies about it the next day would make me a real loser.”
“Nothing happened?” Foster’s brows raised up under his hairline in a clear accusation.
“I left the club and went home right after you and Lauren left,” I told him honestly.
Kenton pulled out his cell phone and turned it so I could see the screen. “This doesn’t look like you tucking yourself into bed alone.”
“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath and took the phone to get a closer look.
There we were. Julianna looking gorgeous in a gold dress that hugged her curves, hair pulled up in her signature half up look. She looked every bit the Brazilian supermodel she was. The angle of the photo looked as if I were the aggressor, pinning her to the wall in Close Quarters – a new club in LA. It’d been very much the opposite.
“Nothing happened,” I repeated and handed Kenton his phone.
“But—” He looked so disappointed in me.
Maybe I was disappointed in myself. Julianna was beautiful and knew exactly what she wanted and went after it. Last night what she’d wanted was me, but I just couldn’t fake it. The only woman I wanted was across the country and not speaking to me, but damn if my heart and brain could get their shit together to move on. I’d done my best to step into my old life – parties, nights out with the guys.
By all outside appearances my life looked a lot like it had before – minus Cindy on my arm, but inside it all just felt wrong.
We changed in silence after that and I hurried to get home. After a morning of therapy, I was ready for meds and a nap.
Foster jogged to catch me in the parking lot. If I hadn’t had a two-minute head start he wouldn’t have needed to jog.
“We’re going to grab a beer, you coming?”
“Ehh…” I opened the door and