our phones. But lucky for me, I didn’t have to pay attention to answer this one.
“All men let you down, both the obvious devils and the angels in disguise,” I say. “Alec is the devil, a rapist, but Angel is almost worse. He promises to love Tess and then betrays her at the first opportunity, because of some purity nonsense. Angel is a coward and a hypocrite.”
“Whoa, whoa, rapist? Isn’t that a bit much?” Tyler twists around in his seat. “It’s ambiguous in the text.”
“I didn’t find it ambiguous at all,” I huff. “It was pretty obvious to me.”
“What is it, Ty? See a bit of yourself in Alec?” Avery jumps in. She may be a viper, but I like when she spits venom on my behalf.
“Fuck you, Aves.”
“Hey!” Ms. Kaylor snaps. “That is unacceptable!” If it were any other pair of students, I’m sure she’d send them to Headmistress Fitzgerald’s office. But the Montforts and St. Clairs mean big money. Instead, she asks Eden to explain the importance of nature motifs in the text. With her attention drawn elsewhere, I go back to my phone. Slip my finger to the phone’s underside, press my fingertip to the scanner, and swipe up on the save screen, then down on my notifications bar. The email is from Harvard. Shit.
There’s a text from Sierra, too. The preview shows a row of fire emojis.
I decide to check on her. I’d rather prolong the inevitable. Avery’s barb at Tyler’s expense was the bravado of someone who just got in. I was a fool to think I could ever compete. My email can only contain a deferral or an outright rejection. I need a minute to prepare myself to smile and give Avery a big hug, congratulating her inevitable reign of superiority. She can never know I applied. I tap into the group text.
I GOT INTO YALE, BITCHES!!!!
Then Sierra sends a row of dog emojis—Yale’s mascot is a comely bulldog. A wave of genuine happiness for her blossoms in my chest. Sierra single-handedly organized the Claflin trip to the Women’s March and campaigned for Elizabeth Warren. Plus, she’s smart as shit and has worked her ass off, Ivies or no.
Avery squeaks next to me, and Tyler starts to laugh—silently but very clearly at his stepsister’s expense. Avery’s cheeks are mottled red, and her nostrils flare. For a second, I think it’s belated anger at Tyler for his clapback, but then I see the glint of tears in her eyes.
“Aves, what’s wrong?” I ask, leaning into the aisle, careful to keep my voice low so Ms. Kaylor doesn’t hear.
“They rejected me,” she hisses. “Those bastards.”
Avery. Got rejected. From Harvard.
My stomach plummets as time seems to slow. Whatever Ms. Kaylor is saying now is muffled in my ears. The Queen of Claflin, with valedictorian on lock, triple legacy, didn’t get in. I’m definitely fucked.
I reach across to touch her arm. “Avery, I’m so sor—” She doesn’t let me finish, jerking away from my fingers. As if Avery is made of stone, cold runs through me.
“I’m fine.” She wills her eyes to dry, tosses back her shoulders and her stupidly perfect curls, affecting a flawless, icy demeanor.
The bell rings shrilly, classes done for the day. Avery bolts from her seat. I move slowly, as if through water, practicing breathing exercises I picked up in a yoga class Margot dragged me to last year. Dread is a lead weight in my stomach, my heart is pounding, and I fear I might be sick. I’ve spent all day in spiraling misery, but that was nothing compared to this. That was anxious waiting, but this is certainty: Avery and I got our emails at the same time. Or maybe I got mine a bit before she did? That means mine is a deferral or a rejection. It is there, in my in-box, right now.
Anxiety pushes at my limbs, and I move quickly toward the school exit. Don’t want to keep still. I burst out into the crisp December air and savor the way my blood vessels constrict. Sensory distraction. It’s cold, the campus a mix of browns, reds, and grays; we’ve had one dusting so far this year, but we’re still in the stretch where your nose is nipped but nothing as pretty as snow deigns to fall.
Tears prick at my eyes. I haven’t even read the rejection and I’m already a mess. I can’t bear to open the email while I’m exposed in the