core values of my belief system. I had always believed that you should have one partner at a time. You should make out with one guy at a time. Well, I didn’t really care about the making out, that was nothing, but letting both guys touch me so intimately within such a short span of time made me ponder who I was and what I was doing.
I was also a little bit embarrassed to tell Sarah, as if what I’d done was wrong and somehow shameful. Even though I knew Sarah would never judge me, she wasn’t that sort of person. I quickly grabbed the phone and decided to call her. I needed to talk it through with her, and I knew that even though I talked about it with her so many times before, she’d still be willing to lend me a listening ear because that’s the sort of person she was.
“Hey chica, how’s it going?” Sarah answered the phone on the second ring. “I was just thinking about you. How’d the date go?”
“Girl, it was amazing.” I laughed. “Why do I feel like I keep saying that? I just had an amazing time with Connor. It was so different to what I thought it was going to be.”
“Uh oh.” Sarah said with a small laugh. “So does that mean you’re not going to stop seeing him or what?”
“Well,” I pause, slightly embarrassed. “He asked me to hang out on Christmas Day.”
“But aren’t you spending that with your family?”
“Yeah, during the day, but in the evening I can get away.”
“But are you getting away in the evening on Christmas Eve as well?”
“Yeah, I am, to see Lucas.” I groaned. “Oh my gosh, Sarah. I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to feel like a little bit of a slut.”
“Girl, you’re not a slut. Why would you say that?”
“I mean, I was with Lucas last night and yeah, we didn’t have sex, but we were intimate. And then I went out with Connor today and ...”
“Oh my gosh. Did you have sex with him, girl?”
“No, I didn’t have sex with him.” My voice lowered. “But he did kind of go down on me in the dressing room of the store.”
“No way!” Sarah screamed into the phone and then quieted her voice. “Sorry about that. You what? Are you joking with me right now?”
“Girl, do I sound like I’m joking with you right now?”
“Wow. I feel like you should write a column or something.”
“What do you mean, write a column?”
“I mean, you should write a column about being an empowered twenty-first-century woman who is having the most amazing sexual experiences as you traverse around New York City.”
“Girl, there’s no way I would write a column like that. That’s crazy.”
“Girl, it’s not crazy. Own it. Enjoy it. Right?”
“Thanks for saying that. That’s part of the reason why I called. In fact, I was slightly nervous to tell you.”
“Oh no. Why would you be nervous?”
“I don’t know. I mean, you know that Luke fingered me last night and now Connor went down on me today. It just seems...” I let out a deep sigh. “I don’t even know the words. I mean, I’m beginning to realize that I’m not Carrie, I’m Samantha.”
“You mean from Sex in the City?” She asked questioning.
“Yeah. Carrie was the main one, and everyone was like is she going to be with Big? Is she going to be with Aidan? Is she going to be with that Russian ballet guy? And it’s like, okay, she has all these options, but she didn’t have them all at the same time. Well, I mean, she kind of had them at the same time, but she wasn’t really having them at the same time, if you know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean.” She laughed.
“But Samantha. I mean, I feel like Samantha is the sort of girl that would have had many at the same time and not care about it.”
“Of course,” Sarah laughed. “That was good old Samantha.”
“And I always considered myself to be a Carrie. I never considered myself to be a Samantha.”
“Girl, Samantha was the best. She owned up to her sexuality, she did what she wanted to do, and she wasn’t ashamed of it. Do you, girl.”
“I know you keep saying that, but I just feel so guilty. I think it’s because I always grew up thinking one thing and this kind of goes against that, but you know, I was speaking to Connor and he