Sarah: Well, I support you whatever you decide, but try not to take it so personally.
Gemma: Girl, I’m so pissed and disappointed. I’m going to go and take a long bath with some lavender essential oils and Epsom salts. TTYL.
There’s nothing quite like a glass of red wine as you sit back in a hot steamy bath. The water enveloped my skin and was just that slightly bit too hot, but I liked the slight tingle. Bubbles were covering my body and I pushed them away, gently laughing as they disintegrated on my fingertips. I was tense and I knew I was in that weird emotional space that could result in crying or laughing. I took a couple of deep breaths and allowed myself to relax.
I wasn’t sure why I’d gotten so upset over Connor. Maybe it was because it reminded me of all the disappointments I’d had in dating previously. Many times I’d gone on dates that I’d thought had been great, where the guy had been attractive and flirting, and I thought we’d really had a connection. And then he just ghosted me or disappeared, and I’d never understood why. Was it something about me? Something in my personality? Was I not good-looking enough? What was it about me that had guys fleeing in numbers larger than I could count?
I didn’t care about any of those guys, they had just hurt my ego. But I thought Connor had been different. I’d thought we’d had something special. But I wasn’t going to let it get me down. There was no point working myself up and getting angry, angsty and anxious. I still had Lucas. And there were still plenty of other guys out there. I couldn’t allow myself to think that it was something wrong with me. Obviously, he had an issue. I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t care. I was done with him.
And of course, as life always goes, my phone started ringing in that exact moment that I decided I was completely over Connor. I reached my left hand over the side of the bathtub and picked up the phone that was sitting on the bathmat. I looked at the screen and saw that it was Connor. I wasn’t going to answer it. Let him stew. But I was weak. I needed to hear why he’d run out on me. Asshole that he was. I picked up the phone. “Hello?” I said, my voice cold, letting him know that I was not happy with him.
“Hey there, Gemma, how’s it going?”
“Good. You?” Short and succinct. He’d get the hint pretty quickly.
“Hey, I wanted to call and apologize.” He let out a low sigh. “I really fucked-up this afternoon and I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” I said, pretending that I was oblivious to the fact that he just ditched me on our date. Okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but you didn’t just argue with a girl’s friends and then leave after thirty minutes to go and work for some no-name wanna-be musician.
“I can tell by your voice that you’re upset with me. And I feel I owe you an explanation.” He paused. “Like, I don’t necessarily expect you to forgive me, but I would like you to understand, because I think you’re a cool girl and I think I owe you that.”
“You can say, or do whatever you want, Connor. It’s your life.” I closed my eyes as I pressed the phone next to my ear, careful that I didn’t let it get wet in the water. The last thing I needed was for my phone to die because it got soaked by water.
“Look, I know you wanted me to meet your friends and normally I’m down for that. I think your friend Harry just really rubbed me the wrong way.”
“Okay, and that’s because?”
“I know he was only looking out for your best interests, but it kind of got me thinking, you know?”
“No, I don’t know. What did it get you to thinking?”
He let out a long sigh. “Look, I joined this app because I kind of had to, and honestly, I’m not really looking for a relationship. I’m not the sort of guy that you can expect to marry and have two-point-five children with and live happily ever after. That’s just not what I’m looking for. And I wanted to be completely honest with you about that.”
“Okay then, so then what was the point of us going on dates?”