It Sounded Better in My Head - Nina Kenwood Page 0,7
look at my skin, check my teeth for food, my nose for anything that might be there. I look okay. It’s hard for me to trust that this will still be the case once I’m away from the mirror though.
‘Okay, let me make the strategy decisions and we’ll win,’ I whisper, when I get back into the room and I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor.
‘So what do we do?’ Owen says.
‘Watch and learn.’ I can be just a little bit bossy when I get caught up in a game.
‘I understand it now. I’ll be better. Let me help,’ Alex says, reaching for another Tim Tam.
‘Okay. You tell me what move you think we should make, and I’ll tell you if it’s right or wrong.’
‘When did you get so competitive?’ Alex says, shaking his head and grinning, before biting into the biscuit.
‘Natalie is the most competitive person I know,’ Zach says, overhearing us.
‘Says the guy who once told me to leave his house when I beat him at Monopoly,’ I say.
‘Well, that’s different. That’s Monopoly. The worst game in the world,’ Zach says.
Alex laughs. ‘Zach once cried when I put a hotel on Park Lane,’ he says.
‘I was six at the time,’ Zach says.
‘You were at least ten,’ Alex replies.
In truth, Zach and I are probably equally competitive. When I lost motivation for study in year twelve, I would sometimes imagine him up late, still working, and I would feel renewed energy. We enjoyed pushing each other to do better. Lucy, less so. I’m pretty sure she hated every moment of year twelve.
We’re currently in the strange limbo period of knowing our ATAR scores but not yet knowing which course or university we’ve got into, which is stressful for all of us, but especially for Lucy. She changes the subject every time we talk about university or our exam results.
We all got good scores. We had to. Zach and Lucy have very concrete career aspirations; he wants to be a doctor, and she wants to be a lawyer. Extremely cliché if you ask me (all the type-A high achievers at my school said doctor, lawyer or engineer when asked what they want to be), but at least they have goals. They want to be something. They’ll have real jobs. And money. I don’t know what I want to be. I mostly trained myself to do well at school as an antidote to all the dark thoughts, the ones that said ‘no one likes you very much’ and ‘you have nothing to show for your life except schoolwork’ and ‘you have the face of a monster’. As if each A+ could somehow offset each pimple.
I did Australian history, literature, Australian politics, psychology and English in year twelve. All subjects I knew I could do well in, where I could read and write and analyse. I was boringly sensible in my choices. I avoided maths and science because they’re not my strengths. I dreamed of doing drama and theatre, but I never had the confidence to perform—there’s too much focus on your face. You have to be comfortable with someone looking at you in order to stand on a stage. So I did everything The Right Way in order to get The Right Score and now I am waiting to find out if I got into The Right University. But none of this has helped me figure out who I am or what I want to do. Do you just wake up one morning after a really good sleep and know? (I’m relying on this happening.)
I may not have a plan for my life, but I do have a plan for winning at Resistance. Under my guidance, Alex, Owen and I are victorious—just—and Zach sulks, which makes it even sweeter. Alex insists we keep playing, because he’s remembered how much he enjoys beating his brother. We play again, although Owen has clearly lost interest, and this time we lose.
‘Okay, that’s it, you can go now,’ Zach says, looking smug and packing up the pieces.
‘We have to go anyway,’ Alex says, yawning and stretching. He’s not tall, but there’s something about him that seems to take up a lot of space.
‘That was fun. Hey, Natalie, you should come to Benny’s party with us on Friday night,’ Owen suddenly says to me.
Before I can react, Zach and Lucy both speak at the same time.
‘Yes,’ Lucy says.
‘No,’ Zach says.
Alex looks at them both. ‘Are you guys Natalie’s friends or her parents?’