It Sounded Better in My Head - Nina Kenwood Page 0,50
no way that’s going to happen. You’ve been talking to us about using condoms since I was eleven. You texted me a link to an article about gonorrhea two days ago.’
I want to die a little, because there’s no scenario in which I want to be present when Zach and his mother discuss details of his and Lucy’s sex life, and also the word gonorrhea is so unpleasant said out loud.
‘Well, I hope you’re using condoms. Two of them at a time, even,’ Mariella says.
‘Jesus,’ Alex says, under his breath. I look around, wondering if there is a way to escape. Lucy has my hand in a death grip.
‘Mum, I don’t think—’ Zach begins.
‘And I hope you’re using another contraceptive method as well, just to be sure. You can never be too careful at your age,’ Mariella says, talking over Zach.
We all sit in silence. I don’t want to be part of the discussion on how many kinds of contraception are being used, even though I already know Lucy secretly went on the pill a few months ago, and they also use condoms, because Lucy might be even more paranoid than Mariella.
‘I mean, I can’t believe I let things get this far without having this conversation. Lucy could already be pregnant right now,’ Mariella says. She is working herself into a state. She’s known about Zach and Lucy from the very beginning, of course, but I think seeing them physically in bed together makes it all too much for her. It’s because Lucy is so fairy-like, all big-eyed innocence. And Zach has those ‘who-me?’ dimples and reads eighty books a year. They look like they’d spend all their time playing chess and talking about their feelings. In actuality, they’ve been having sex multiple times a week after school for the past six months.
‘I’m not pregnant,’ Lucy says, her face bright red.
‘She’s not pregnant,’ Zach says. He looks two-thirds irritated, one-third terrified.
‘We all need to be one hundred per cent sure.’ Mariella waves her hand around the room, as if the ‘we all’ encompasses Alex and me. I’m scared she’s going to make Lucy take a pregnancy test.
‘Mum, this conversation is deeply uncomfortable for everyone sitting at the table,’ Alex says.
‘And we haven’t even got to you and Natalie,’ Mariella says.
Everyone looks at us.
‘What do you mean?’ Zach says.
‘Well, what’s going on there?’ Mariella ask us.
At this moment, the front door swings open and Sal bursts in, carrying bags and a tray of coffee cups, bellowing, ‘It’s another gorgeous day out there everyone!’ and kicking off his shoes.
‘Sal, come here. We’ve got a bit of a situation,’ Mariella says.
Sal puts the coffee down on the table and pulls out a tray of croissants. ‘Tuck in everybody! They’re still warm!’ Sal is the kind of man who puts an exclamation mark on the end of as many sentences as possible.
‘I said, we have a situation, sweetie,’ Mariella says. The way she forcefully says ‘sweetie’ it doesn’t sound much like a term of endearment.
‘Well now, what kind of situation?’ Sal says, looking faintly concerned but still mostly focused on the croissants.
‘The kids swapped beds last night,’ Mariella says, in the same tone you might say ‘the kids took heroin last night’.
But Sal doesn’t seem to get it.
Mariella sighs. ‘Zach and Lucy spent the night in one bed, and Natalie and Alex in the other,’ she says.
‘Natalie and Alex!’ Sal says, clapping his hands together. He sounds like the MC at a wedding, announcing us as a couple.
‘Dad, there’s nothing going on with Natalie and Alex,’ Zach says.
‘No, I didn’t think so,’ Sal says, chuckling a little.
‘Well, hang on. Why is that idea funny?’ Alex says.
My stomach twists a little. On the one hand, I have the same question. On the other hand, this is dangerous territory to dig into.
‘It’s not funny, per se, so much as unlikely,’ Sal says.
‘And why is it unlikely?’ Alex asks.
‘Because you’re you and Natalie is Natalie,’ Zach says, biting into a croissant.
‘What does that mean?’ I say, suddenly not caring about the dangerous territory.
‘It means you’re very different people,’ Zach says.
‘Haven’t you heard the saying opposites attract?’ Alex says.
‘I don’t believe in that,’ Zach says, still eating his croissant, as if we’re simply having a friendly philosophical discussion rather than making sweeping pronouncements about my dateability.
‘With your wealth of life experience?’ Alex asks. He’s annoyed now.
‘Alex is a Leo and Natalie is a Scorpio,’ Mariella says, as if that explains everything.