were basically strangers to each other. “Wouldn’t he be better off with her?”
“Of course he would, but if I ask her, it’ll look like I can’t hold up my end of the bargain.” He hardened like a quick-set epoxy. “And I don’t want to give her any friggin’ reason not to let me have my time with him.”
“I don’t think she’d do something like that.”
“Oh, no?” He was dying for me to dare him.
“You know what? I don’t want to know.”
“No, you don’t. Believe me. There’s a lot of shit you wouldn’t think she’d do.” He lightened up when it dawned on him I wasn’t Dogshit. “Seriously, the kid’s a breeze. And what the fuck, it’s only for a couple hours.”
I looked at Roy. He was trying to convince a lime green Nerf football bigger than his face that it could fit in his mouth. When I didn’t jump at the chance to be his mother for the day, James pulled out the guilt gun.
“Plus, one hand washes the other, right?” He forced my eyes with his own toward the ranch house I was staying in free of charge. He was right about one hand washing the other, but I still thought he was a prick for saying it and cashing in so soon.
“Sure. I’ll take him for a while.”
“See, kid? I told you he’d do it.” James clapped his hands, then reached back and tickled Roy’s stomach. He laughed so hard he got the hiccups.
I WAS SITTING on the back porch in the cool early-September night. The phone was stretched as far as it would go through the back door. Jocelyn’s call was already over an hour and a half late. It was the fourth week into our long-distance relationship. I missed her a lot. When she’d called me from work earlier in the day, she still wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get away from New York for the weekend. I pressed her hard to come up to Amherst. She said she really wanted to, but she was trying to make a good impression at Redbook. She was told on the q.t. by her internship supervisor there that a junior associate editor position might be opening up in the next few months. I would have made the trip to see her, but it was back-to-school weekend, and Lello’s directive to the entire waitstaff had come down weeks earlier: Don’t even ask for the time off. Richie said he was going to put in for the weekend off anyway, just to fuck with Lello.
A couple guys were moving into the apartment below ours. One was named Bri, the other Kev. They hadn’t seen each other all summer. I could tell they were students, and this was their first off-campus place, because moving apartments is like putting your fucking life on trial. Bri and Kev sounded too happy.
“Kev, check out this sweet lamp I scored.” Bri couldn’t wait. He dug into a box right there in the driveway.
“Awesome,” Kev said. “ ‘My goodness, my Guinness.’ ”
The telephone finally rang.
“Hello.”
“How’s your hemorrhoid?” Richie asked.
“Fucking swell.”
“That’s great news, but it’s not why I called.”
“What the fuck do you want?”
“What’s the rush?”
“I’m expecting a call.”
Richie made the sound of a whip cracking.
“Nice,” I said. “What the fuck do you want?”
“I was just calling to tell you, asshole, that the Grifters and Shelby Foote are on Letterman tonight.”
“No shit?”
“Yes shit. But the wop says he’s going to seat people until the bitter fucking end. There’s no way I’ll be able to get to the Wacky Paki Packie before eleven.” (The liquor store around the corner from our place was called Ravi’s Package Store. Ravi himself once inquired of Jocelyn while she was buying smokes if she’d “care to accompany” him to see Pulp Fiction.)
“So you want me to go?”
“I know, it’s a ten-fucking-foot death march from our door, and you’ll only have two hours for your phone call instead of the usual, but can you help a buddy out?”
“Sorry, shit smear, I can’t promise anything.” (Translation: Consider it done.)
“Don’t be a dick hole.” (Translation: Thanks.)
The song “Unbelievable” by EMF rose through the porch floor. A body ascending the stairs divided the mothy yellow porch light. It was Kev. He saw that I was on the phone and stopped before completing the flight. I got rid of Richie. Kev was chubby, with a red crew cut and a freckled baby face. He was wearing flip-flops, green droopy basketball shorts, and a white UMASS CO-ED