Sighing, I sat up again. All this was useless speculation—I needed to talk to Noah. I needed to be brave, even braver than I had been the night I burst in on him in the shower. I needed to tell him how I felt, what I wanted, and what I was willing to do make it happen.
I was in love with him, and I wanted him to know it.
My heart started to pound again. Our plans for tonight were nothing major, just pizza and TV. He’d promised to watch Law & Order with me like old times. But he hated that show, so I bet he’d be glad to turn off the television and just talk.
At least, that’s what I hoped.
Rising to my feet, I inhaled a few lungfuls of the autumn air. I loved that woodsy fall smell—part decaying leaves, part pine sap, part smoke—and it was so particular to home. It always meant the end of a season, and as a kid, I’d been sad because it meant summer was over.
But today, it smelled like a new beginning.
Twenty-One
Noah
Thursday afternoon, I had just come out of the gym when my mother called me.
“Hello?”
“Nina had the baby,” she said excitedly.
“About time. What’d she have?”
“A girl. They named her Rosie, after my mother. Isn’t that cute?” She sniffed as if she were tearing up.
“Very cute. Everyone’s doing okay?”
“Yes, but I’d like to head over to the hospital and see them right away. Then I told Chris I’d take over at home so his mom can go see the baby. Mrs. Reynolds is picking Asher up from work and bringing him home, but she has to leave by six. Can you head over to the house as soon as possible?”
“Sure.” I had plans with Meg, but I knew she’d understand. And we could see each other later. She could stay over again.
“And do you think you could stay the night there? You’re off tomorrow, right? I hate to put you out, but Nina asked if I could stay over to get the older kids off to school in the morning. That way Chris can stay at the hospital. And Asher really shouldn’t be left alone so long. I’m worried about another seizure.”
I pressed my lips together. My immediate reaction was disappointment tinged with a little resentment—no sex tonight. But as soon as I had the thought, I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. My brother needed me, and all I could think about was my dick? “No problem. Okay to bring Renzo?”
“Of course.”
“Tell Nina I said congratulations.”
“I will. Thanks, dear. I’ll call you later, when I know what time I’ll be home.”
“Sounds good.” After hanging up, I got in my car and texted Chris.
Me: Congrats, jackass. Eighteen more years of sleepless nights.
Chris: What’s sleep?
Me: Maybe try condoms next time. Or keep your fucking paws off my sister, how about that?
Chris: Right now, that seems like an easy task. She is yelling at me to change a messy diaper. Gotta go.
I shook my head and set the phone aside. As Uncle Noah, I’d changed a few messy diapers in my life and it was not an experience I enjoyed much. Give me a dog all day long. Much less messy than a human who lies around in its own pile of turd with a puffy shower curtain strapped to its ass.
But when I got home, I saw that Chris had texted me a photo of him holding his new daughter in his arms, all wrapped up in a little white blanket and wearing a pink stocking cap on her head. Chris looked haggard and sleep-deprived but undeniably happy, and I had to admit the baby was cute. Envy wormed its way beneath my skin. What would it be like to see my child being born? To watch her open her eyes for the first time? To hear her first cries and change her first diaper and be the first male arms to hold her?
Frowning, I told myself to forget about those things and just be happy for my sister and my friend.
After letting Renzo out, I picked up my phone to call Meg.
I hadn’t reached out to her yet today, but it wasn’t because she wasn’t on my mind. Of course she was. Last night had been . . . intense. Sexy and fun in all the usual ways, but different too. It sounds ridiculous, because there aren’t degrees of nakedness—you’re either naked or you’re not—but somehow it was