Innocent - Roe Horvat Page 0,26

face to the sun peeking through the green leaves of the giant maples. A question popped up in his head, surprising yet so fundamental. He should have been thinking it from the beginning but never had. With everything that had happened around him and in him, he’d been simply overwhelmed. Now the question took up his entire mind, only two words—but enormous.

What now?

People darted past them, and they all seemed so focused. As if each of them exactly knew where they were headed.

Navid felt a little lost. Where was he headed? He was married. And that was it. It had been the ultimate goal, the focus of his entire teenage years—at least according to his father—and now he was married. Done. Goal accomplished.

But my life is just at the beginning, isn’t it? What am I going to do now?

The first few weeks passed by easily. Navid explored Dalton City with Geoff, and even though he missed Zana during the days, he kept busy. In the evenings, he dined with Zana, sometimes at home and sometimes out in the city. The restaurants they’d been to. Navid felt like royalty when he was at the side of the great Zana Massoud. But Navid’s favorite moments were the long mornings on weekends when they could stay in bed. He would lie in his husband’s arms naked for hours, dazed with passion.

The big question followed Navid wherever he went. What now? He was happy. He truly was. Guilt gnawed at him when he grew restless. What would others give for the life he was living? Rich, loved, spoiled. Most days, he tiptoed around the subject as if it were a sleeping dragon.

Until the dragon woke up.

The first week in July, the weather had gone bad. Powerful storms beat the coast, and even though it was warm, the wind made walking outside a nasty experience. Navid stayed at home for a few days, unwilling to drag Geoff through the wet streets or brave the horizontal rain on the coastline.

The house seemed so much bigger when it was empty. Navid sat in the sunroom, trying to read, but he’d been staring at the same page for at least half an hour now. He loved to read. Books had always been his escape. His baba used to bring him English books from his rare travels, and Navid had been sure that his alpha father wouldn’t have approved of most of them had he been paying attention. But since he’d never cared enough, Navid had been free to read modern psychology, history and politics, stories from different cultures, and essays from famous philosophers. He used to get lost in those books and fantasize about a different world.

Now I live in that world. Then why am I sitting here?

He closed the book.

What now?

Should he go to the city after all? But no. He wasn’t in the mood for any noise today, not without Zana by his side, and Zana had business meetings for the entire day.

Navid set the book on the side table and stood. The short rain shower subsided, and blue sky appeared here and there between the big fluffy clouds. He strode to the living room and opened the patio door. The cherry tree beckoned to him. Navid paused by the small tree and took one leave between his fingers. Raindrops fell from the branch, and wet spots grew on Navid’s sleeve.

One day, he’d have a child. And two years after that, another. Maybe even a third? Navid had always wanted a big family. His days would be busy, he knew.

Years from now.

Payam had been unwilling to share much information on pregnancy and childbirth with Navid during his preparation for marriage. The tutor had claimed it was Navid’s husband’s right to decide what Navid should know about that particular topic. So, of course, Navid had read about it. He’d found a couple of books on pregnancy in Zana’s extensive library. Most omegas reached fertility with their second heat, between twenty-two and twenty-four. That was when breeding could successfully lead to conception. Navid had poured over the images, fascinated. One medical illustration even displayed a penis spearing the channel to the womb, filling it with seed, the base growing with the knot. The womb in the picture looked so small, smaller than a fist. It would stretch and expand with pregnancy. The series of illustrations showed the growth of the fetus, month after month, from a few cells to an entire human being. Navid had sat with the