get a chance to try. You have to be a big name or know someone. The person doing the hiring recognized me from the story with Gwen, and I got an interview. Which means, I got to cook with Guy. It would have been the opportunity of a lifetime except I ruined it.”
“What did you do?”
“I sort of,” I grimace and say the words quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, “Set him on fire.”
Bethany gapes at me, opened mouth for a few long seconds, and then she bursts out laughing.
The woman at the counter calls out her name and Bethany gets up to collect the order, still laughing her head off.
When she comes back with our tray, I help her set out the items on the teeny table.
“It’s not funny!”
“It is more than funny, it’s the best thing I’ve heard all year. How have I not heard this story?” She grabs the Sriracha and squeezes some onto her plate. “Please tell me everything.”
I sigh and fiddle with my chopsticks. “You haven’t heard it because it’s not exactly something I like to talk about. Basically, I was putting the finishing touches on a crème brûlée, and I…tripped.”
“So, you were torching a dessert, presumably standing in place and you, what, decided to run around holding a flammable? That doesn’t make sense. And that’s not like you. As crazy as you can get everywhere else, you’re meticulous in the kitchen.”
I squirm. “Okay, so it was less tripping and more of a…startle.”
Her brows lift and she waits for more.
“He came up next to me to observe, and I didn’t see him. Then he startled me, and I sort of turned into him.”
“What startled you?”
Bethany would needle in on the one topic I want to avoid the most.
I glance around the small space—there’s one couple ordering at the counter and no one is paying us any mind, but still. I lean in and lower my voice. “I have a Guy Chapman problem.”
Bethany pops a dumpling in her mouth and chews with a shrug. “What does that mean?”
“It means that whenever he’s around, I get crazy.”
“Like, talking to apples in the grocery store crazy? Or rip off all your clothes and throw yourself at him crazy?”
I fidget with my chopsticks. “The second one. It’s like he has this effect on me that I can’t control.”
Bethany nods decisively. “You should totally bone him. Set him on fire the metaphorical way instead of the literal way.”
I grimace. “I didn’t set him completely on fire, that was a slight exaggeration. I burned his chef’s jacket, though.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“His lucky chef’s jacket.”
“Oh.”
I stare down at the sesame pancakes on my plate, like they’ll make the story any less true. “It was ruined. And he’s known to be a bit of a perfectionist. Obviously, I didn’t get the job, but it was worse than that. He bad-mouthed me to everyone. And then I lost my job, which was crappy anyway, but no one else would hire me. Seriously. I couldn’t get a job making sandwiches at the bodega in Hunts Point.”
She takes bite of food before responding. “Okay, so you guys have all this awkward past history, but from where I was standing, there was also a lot of sizzle. He’s hot. And he’s a chef, like you. You’re basically soulmates and you should totally bone him.”
“These sesame pancakes are fantastic.” I take another bite. Perfectly crisp on the outside, soft on the inside and stuffed with chives and greens.
“Stop trying to avoid the subject.”
“Fine. We are not soulmates. Yes, he’s a chef, but in my book, that’s strike one. Strike two, he’s too important and well-known and rich. He would never slum it with the likes of me, and I wouldn’t want him to because strike three, he’s a major turd.”
“Being important and rich is not a deal-breaker. And no one is serious all the time. He made that joke, where he referred to himself in third person? That was self-deprecatory and funny. And I saw him watching you, that was more heat than hate. Maybe he doesn’t mean to be an ass all the time, he just has resting fuck face.”
I laugh. “What is that?”
“It’s like,” she waves a hand, “resting bitch face, but for dudes.”
“You didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. He’s trying to make me move from my spot because it’s interfering with his fancy businesses. He called me inferior.”
She takes a drink of her water. “He said you were inferior?”
“Okay, well maybe he