should do with due haste.
Maybe he was waiting for an apology, and he absolutely should’ve gotten it so I didn’t delay in offering one.
“I’m sorry I was a bitch to you. It was completely uncalled for. You were being cool with me, trying to help me and I repaid your kindness with malicious intent and you should know I did that on purpose and I’m sorry for that, too.”
Luke jerked his chin again but still hadn’t made a move to leave.
Weird.
“So, um, thanks for being cool. And maybe after a spell, we can go back to being what we were. You know, um, joke-around buddies.”
Joke-around buddies? Did I just say that?
God. I was so lame.
What the hell was a joke-around buddy?
Someone who teases and jokes but never gets close. I answered myself in this reasonable little voice.
And I was now certifiably crazy.
“We’re gonna be more than joke-around buddies, Shiloh.”
Panic rose fast and furious.
“Uh…” I stumbled, unable to find the words I needed to put an end to this madness.
“We’re gonna be friends.”
Friends.
Oh, no, we weren’t.
“Yeah, no, I’ll pass on that.”
Then Luke did something strange. Something bizarre and extraordinary.
His lips curved up into a smile.
“Funny, I don’t recall asking.”
Panic simmered until my old friend Queen Bitch made a reappearance as anger pulsed through my veins.
“Listen, Luke, I’m not taking applications, I don’t need or want a friend. As you know it’s been a long time for me. You wanna break the dry spell, we’ll talk. Anything beyond that is a no-go.”
When I was done Luke didn’t smile.
He roared with laughter.
I watched him laugh for a long time. So long, I was lost in the way his eyes lit and danced with humor. So when he sobered I wasn’t ready for his retort.
“Two things. One, I’m not applying for shit. Two, I have no intention of fucking you but if I was planning on taking you to my bed, I don’t fuck women I don’t like and respect—two things necessary to be friends. So breaking that down, I don’t fuck women I’m not friends with. But fear not, your dry spell is safe to continue through eternity.”
It sucked Luke could be funny when I was in a snit.
“Then I don’t get why you’d want to stick around.”
“No, baby, I don’t think you would.”
Back to soft and sweet and gentle.
What the hell was wrong with Luke Marcou? Maybe he was the crazy one. But at that moment it didn’t matter which one of us was nuts. A funny feeling was creeping up my chest and I needed him to leave.
“I want you to—”
“Leave,” he cut me off. “Yeah, I know, you keep saying it. But I’ve decided I’m ignoring all the fucked-up bullshit that comes out of your mouth and instead pay attention to what you’re not saying with words.”
“That makes no sense.”
“I’ve never known anyone who can be open and honest and closed off and distant at the same time. Within minutes of meeting, you showed me three different Shilohs—blunt, funny, and open. Wary, nervous, and jumpy. Then flirty, teasing, and direct. The next time I see you I get fun, flirty, teasing, funny as hell, sweet, beautiful, and open. Now I get closed down, bitchy, and scared. But before that, I get funny and open. Wanna know why that is, why you gave me the real you before you turned?”
Was that a question? Because the answer was yes, I wanted to know why I had multiple personalities. Why I did exactly what he said I’d done. Why I did it to everyone and why I couldn’t stop it.
“No, Luke, I don’t want your opinion. But just to say, you wouldn’t have to deal with me at all if you left.”
“You’d like that. Me leaving like everyone else so you wouldn’t have to face what’s eating you. You’d like to pencil my name under the last person who you forced out of your life. Sucks for you, Shiloh, but my name will never be on your list. I know why I got open and sweet. I know you felt safe to give me that—because you never planned on letting me in. You said you weren’t a tease but that’s a goddamn lie. There are many ways to tease that have not one thing to do with fucking. You dangle yourself out there, let all your beauty and light shine, all the promise you hold, then you snatch it away. Only, the light doesn’t dim. It’s right there just out of reach but