I was, and that was one of the reasons I was so drawn to him.
I wanted to become a vampire. But I wanted it under the best of terms. Love, passion, and a visceral, physical, and spiritual need for each other. I didn't want to be matched up with someone like he'd been with Luna - or tricked like Sebastian almost was. And I didn't want the business transaction that Jagger had offered me. I wanted my becoming a vampire to have been thought through, carefully considered with both of our minds, hearts, and souls. If Alexander was impulsive and irrational like I was, then he would be a completely different guy - a different kind of person and vampire. And ultimately, that was not what I wanted. I thought about if I'd met Jagger instead of Alexander - who knows how I'd feel about being a vampire now? My life and eternity would be about tricks, menacing, and deceit. And if I'd been turned by Sebastian, it would have been about living eternity on a whim, noton own the putting down roots but continually moving whenever he felt the need. We'd be slackers, running around from place to place without purpose. And though that seemed like it could be a lot of fun, I was more driven and motivated. I knew what I wanted out of life and out of eternity, and I wanted to share that with someone who knew what they wanted, too. Alexander had his passion in all the right places: his art, his family, me. And not only was he smoldering hot, he was just as attractive on the inside. He cared about me, his friends, and our families, and put our needs before his own. If not, wouldn't he be the kind of vampire who hunted girls and preyed on their flesh? Not the romantic, artistic type I found irresistible.
And asking someone to physically turn me into something that I wasn't born being wasn't to be taken lightly. If I'd been the one who had to turn Alexander into a mortal, become someone different from his own family, it would be a huge burden to me. I would do anything to make him happy, like he wanted to do for me, but I understood that it was a difficult decision to make. And if he'd felt any other way about turning me, with all its thrills and complications, then he wouldn't be my Alexander Sterling.
I realized that not having Alexander at all was far worse than my not becoming a vampire. If I had to live by his side just as I was, that was good enough for me.
Any life with Alexander was better than a life without him.
Chapter 19 Stormy Nights
The next evening Becky found me in the family room, A still in my pajamas, staring at a fiercely fanged and red-eyed Kiefer Sutherland on the TV with a box of tissues in my lap and clutching my eternity ring.
"She hasn't been out all day," my dad said to her. "She won't say what's wrong, but I have a feeling it has to do with Alexander."
"What happened?" Becky asked, sitting on the couch with me.
"Alexander hates me," I whimpered.
"He does not."
"We got into a fight."
"You two?" she asked, surprised. "I can't believe it. You never fight."
When I noticed my dad was out of the room, I leaned in to Becky.
"I wanted to see if he'd turn me - " I whispered. "And I pushed him too far."
"Did you make him bite you?" she asked, seriously scared.
"No. But I asked him when he would. And I pressed him too hard."
"Alexander doesn't seem the type to get mad."
"He does get angry - but mostly at the Maxwells. Not usually at me."
"Well, maybe he was having a bad day - or night," she corrected.
"I don't know. I get so impatient. Having Stormy here has been so cool. I see her life like what it would have been for me if I were born a vampire. And with every passing day, I feel like I'm missing out on being that person. Only when we had this fight, I realized ... this is who I am. I am a mortal dating a vampire. And if that is all I ever am, then I am still truly blessed. I want Alexander more than I want to be a vampire."
"Does he know that?" she asked.
"Why wouldn't he?"
"He's only human..." Becky began. "I mean, I guess he's not."
We both laughed,