know.
Plan a trip abroad.
This one is also meant to push me out of my comfort zone. I hate flying, so I’ve hardly been anywhere. Life’s too short for that. I want to see things, and planning a trip will get me excited to travel, even if I have to get on a plane to do it.
I’m pretty sure my doctor would prescribe something to help me sleep on a long flight.
Start dating.
I stare at those two words for a long minute, then take a sip of my cooling tea. I cross them out.
Honestly, I think I need to figure myself out before I start thinking about a serious relationship. This trip has taught me so much about myself, and I have a feeling I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg.
I want to spend time with myself before I bring someone else into the equation.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve grown attached to Shawn, and I’m going to miss him.
I can admit it, here in the dark by myself, that what I feel for the sexy Irishman is more than sexual. Is it love? I don’t know. I’m not convinced of that. But I care about him. I’m so freaking attracted to him, I spontaneously combust whenever he’s within fifty yards of me.
And I like him.
So, no, I don’t relish the thought of rushing home and diving right into dating someone else. I have enough work to do on myself.
I read through my list.
Run at least three times a week.
See friends once a month or more.
Spend more time with Mom.
Learn to speak a foreign language.
Get out of the house at least once a day.
Meditate. First, download meditation app.
Take a dance class.
I think that’s enough to tackle for now. I close the notebook and set it aside, then watch the reflection of the moon bouncing on the water below as I finish my tea.
I’m going back to bed to snuggle up to a sexy man while I still can.
After I set my cup in the sink, I pad into Shawn’s bedroom and slip into bed. He immediately reaches out for me and pulls me to him.
“You okay?” he whispers into my ear.
“Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep.”
He kisses my temple as his hand drifts down to my hip. My body instantly responds, and I cup his handsome face in my hand.
“Just one more time,” he whispers as he covers my body with his.
Shawn takes the exit off the freeway on the way to the airport.
The ferry ride was a blur.
The entire trip here seems surreal.
I can’t believe I’m leaving.
“The blankets and stuff are all boxed up and labeled. I’ve arranged for UPS to pick it up tomorrow, you just have to set it outside.”
“I know,” he says with a reassuring smile. He squeezes my hand, but I pull away.
Shawn touching me just makes it harder.
“That’s my airline,” I say, pointing to the sign ahead. “You can drop me off anywhere.”
“Are you okay, Lex?”
“Sure. I’m fine.” I swallow and unbuckle my belt, ready to get out of the car. I don’t want to get tearful in front of him. I’m not necessarily sad. I’m nervous.
That’s it, I’m nervous.
He puts the SUV in park, and I quickly climb out and meet him at the back where he pulls my suitcases out and sets them on the sidewalk.
“Thanks for the ride,” I say as he closes the tailgate.
He turns to me with a raised eyebrow. “Did you think I’d let you walk?”
“No.” I laugh and then hold my hand out for his. “Thanks. For everything. It was nice to meet you.”
His eyes narrow as he shakes my hand, and without another word, I take a suitcase in each hand and turn to leave.
“Lexi.”
His voice is hard. Commanding. The way it sometimes gets when he’s extra intense during sex.
I think of it as his dominant voice.
I stop but don’t immediately turn. I need to take a deep breath, and then, when I do face him, I see him waiting with his hands at his sides, his face calm but those green eyes full of emotion.
Without thinking, I hurry back to him and let go of my bags as I wrap my arms around his waist and press my cheek to his chest, hugging him tightly.
His arms encircle me, and he holds me for a long moment, his lips in my hair. The next thing I know, he’s kissing me like his life depends on it.
It’s full of lust, possessiveness. And ultimately, it’s a