the night. I know about men who look away when their friend is the problem. I know exactly how easy it is for people here to avert their gaze at a football game, comforting themselves with a hollow sentiment: It’s none of our business.
Because this is a town where people see only what they want to see.
This is a town where they see nothing at all.
So I begin with the thesis statement, the truest sentence that I know, and every word thereafter must support my claim.
It is not the crows that make Auburn ugly.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
LIAM IS A WRECK WHEN HE picks me up Monday morning.
“I wasn’t sure what happened. Fiona and Sofia filled me in, and I called all weekend—”
“Yeah, he took the phone.”
“Leighton,” he says. “I was so worried. I didn’t know if I should call the police. This isn’t normal. You need help.”
“I know,” I say. “Sorry I missed the end of your big game.”
“You know I don’t care about that.”
“I’m sorry you lost.”
“Doesn’t matter. Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. Who needs the pressure of a championship game?”
Who, indeed.
I’m not sure if what I’m planning is right. There’s so much unknown. And maybe it’s awful at home, but at least that fear is known. Familiar.
The drive to school takes twice as long today. All the roads near my home are covered with crows. They’re just everywhere now, covering every surface. Liam drives slowly, waiting for them to shuffle and fly away rather than risk hitting them. It takes ages to get there, and the whole time I think about how my silence benefits only one person.
When I get into school, I don’t even pretend I’m going to class. I head straight to the newspaper offices and crash into my desk.
Sofia stands up at hers, startling me. I didn’t realize anyone else was here. She immediately leans forward in her chair, as though she’s coming for me, and I hold up a hand.
“I’m fine. I promise. I’m just angry. And right now, I really need to write. My column is due, and I’m submitting this essay today before I lose my nerve.”
My voice is clear and confident, and there isn’t even the hint of tears today. I just need to get the words down while I have them.
“I’ll guard the door,” she says. She springs from her desk, shuts the door, and turns off the lights. She sits down next to it in case anyone disturbs us.
“Thanks, Sof.”
“Write!” she says.
I boot up my ancient public-school desktop. My dinosaur computer that I secretly love. I want to win this scholarship. But it’s more than that.
There’s another reason I want to submit this essay to them.
There is a part of me that feels like bruised flesh. That just wants to force them to read it. I struggled so much to write about Auburn, and now I know that it’s because I wasn’t seeing Auburn in its entirety.
This town isn’t just my grandfather’s buildings and my dad’s anger. It isn’t just people ignoring the thing right in front of them.
This town is also Sofia being there when I need her, and Fiona noticing something that grown adults didn’t see and helping my sisters. And Liam being so stoic and so soft and so good.
This town is Juniper’s notes to Joe and Campbell’s righteous rage and the unending depths of our mother’s courage anytime his anger shifts to us instead of her.
And it’s me. I’m part of Auburn, too, even when I criticize it. Even when I hate it.
Once I figure out what it was missing, the essay is easy to write.
It was missing me.
Chapter Sixty
LIAM AND I DRIVE TO THE same spot we went to that morning we skipped first period together.
Lately it’s been too cold to leave the car, but tonight isn’t so bad. Liam pulls a thick blanket out of his trunk, and again we sit on the hood of his car that is still warm from the engine. When we lean back and look up, the treetops form a circle around a patch of star-spotted night sky. The trees look like giant sentinels, steadfastly guarding this little patch of earth.
Or maybe it is us they are guarding.
I’m glad we came out here tonight. It was like we both just wanted to be alone.
Turns out we can be alone together.
It’s now been several days of strange silence in my house. Days since Auburn lost their semi-final game, and the town retreated from its football fervor.
I lean toward Liam and