Only I wasn’t going to get to her in time. It had been a stupid, risky plan; I’d become overconfident, spurred on by desperation and obsession, and now someone else was going to pay the price. Could I live with that?
I took a deep breath as I saw the couple approaching the embankment. Surely she would get help now? Ironic now that I was so concerned about that night, when what happened later was so much worse than anything I could have imagined.
64
Bea
It wasn’t bravery that made her do it. Afterwards, when the images were running through her head constantly like a film on a loop, she couldn’t explain that very second. She wanted to say that something snapped, but that wasn’t it, it wasn’t conscious. The only way she could remember it feeling was feral, primal. Fear merged with fury.
She screamed. His hand froze on the elastic waistband of the grotesquely inappropriate thong she had worn for their date.
‘You don’t want to do this,’ he snarled into her shoulder. She didn’t stop screaming, kicking her legs, trying to free herself from his bulk weighing her down. Her heels found hard ground and she shoved upwards, arching her back the way she’d seen Toby do when he was younger, resisting his mother putting him into his car seat.
She didn’t stop to think what would happen if no one was passing along the top of the bank, or if she had made him angry enough to simply knock her unconscious. He released her breast and shoved a hand to her mouth to stop her hysterics, but she bit down hard, causing him to cry out and sit back on his heels. ‘Bitch!’
Voices at the top of the bank got louder and relief coursed through her in waves as she saw two upside-down faces, a man and a woman, appear over the grass.
‘You okay, love?’ she heard the man shout down.
‘Help me! Please, help me!’
David scrabbled backwards. ‘She’s crazy. She’s fucking crazy! We came down here for some privacy and she just …’
She didn’t stop to hear what other lies he had to tell. With a new energy she threw herself to her knees and on to her feet, pulling at the grass to lift herself, then scrabbled up the bank, pushing past her rescuers on to the street.
You’re not safe yet, her own voice told her. He’s still there. Run.
It was like one of those dreams where you desperately need to escape from the bad guy but your legs feel as though they’re made of concrete. The world wasn’t moving in slow motion; it just felt like she was. She didn’t even know where she was running to, but she could hear the blood pounding in her ears, a haunting rhythm: run, run, run.
The taxi rank was deserted – the night was young, and no one wanted to go home yet.
‘Taxi, please.’
The man behind the glass looked up at her shaking voice, took in her dishevelled appearance, the grass and mud caked on her new red dress, her hair sticking out like a crazed Medusa.
‘You all right, love?’
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak without crying. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t; just nodded. ‘Where to?’
Back in her flat with the door locked behind her, Bea finally felt safe. The taxi journey had been silent; she’d stared out of the window without actually noticing anything go by. Her chest was hollow and she could hear that her breath still hadn’t returned to normal. All at once, the reality of what had happened, and what could have happened, hit her like a glass of water to the face. Tripping up the stairs two at a time, she banged into the bathroom door and threw up violently in the bath until her throat was sore.
65
Eleanor
Surrounded by presents, Toby ripped the paper from his brand new iPad and grinned.
‘Thanks, Mum, thanks, Dad, it’s great! Can I set it up?’
Eleanor smiled, her heart aching at how genuinely thrilled her son was at the present she’d spent the last of her maternity savings on.
‘Not yet, sweetie, you’ve still got more presents to open yet. Oh, and the card from Auntie Karen! I left it upstairs.’
She took the stairs two at a time, too excited to miss even a minute of Toby’s happiest day in months. Ever since Noah had been born, he’d been sullen and moody, convinced he was being pushed aside in favour of the needy, screaming newborn. Today was