Before I Let You In - Jenny Blackhurst Page 0,9

never come back; in fact every time she said goodbye to anyone she loved she treated it as though it would be the last time. If she didn’t see him, she’d spend the weekend obsessing about him being in some kind of accident and worrying that the last words she’d ever said to him were ‘Oh, can you stick the bin out before nine?’

After what felt like an eternity, the door to the conference room opened and two of the senior partners, Robert and Jonathan, walked in, both completely oblivious to the fact that it was the end of the week and their staff looked like a group of sulky teens in detention.

‘Thanks for coming, everyone.’ Jonathan looked round the table and his gaze fell on Karen, already in her coat. ‘Are we keeping you, Karen?’

Embarrassment at being singled out warmed her cheeks, but she wasn’t about to be shamed. She’d always got the impression Jonathan didn’t particularly like her; he was a misogynistic bastard and his deprecating comments were always aimed at her or the only other female junior.

‘Nothing that can’t wait until after we’re done,’ she replied, meeting his eyes. She suspected that Jonathan had always secretly hoped she’d get pregnant, a baby instantly flipping the switch in her brain from career woman to mum. As it stood, she was a hundred times more committed than her male counterparts, and there was no way any of them could dispute that, or question her drive. What poor Jonathan didn’t know was that Karen wouldn’t ever have children. She’d been so tempted on occasion to tell him, to destroy his dream of her slipping off into a people carrier and an apron, but to tell him would mean having to tell him why, and she couldn’t do that.

Robert, sensing the tension between them, cleared his throat. ‘Right then, we won’t keep you long. The reason we’ve got you all here is because, as you know, Ken Williams is retiring this summer.’

‘As you know’ was an understatement; the knowledge of Ken’s retirement had sat in each and every one of their offices since he’d announced his plans two months ago. It had watched them during their sessions and whispered to them as they filed their paperwork. Notes had become more comprehensive, referrals had flowed like champagne in the Playboy Mansion. Ken’s departure would leave a hole in the top-floor infrastructure that each one of them was desperate to plug.

Karen already knew who it was going to be, and it really was a case of plugging the hole full of dung. And from the expression on his face at the table, it looked as though he knew it too. Travis Yapp was the embodiment of every cuss word Bea had ever uttered. What was the word for someone who wore too much gel for a man of his age and still referred to his car as a female? She made a mental note to ask Bea later.

Karen knew that Robert didn’t like Travis, but she also knew that Travis had impressed the right people, said and done everything that was expected of him. Karen didn’t like the implication that she hadn’t. She knew she wasn’t always as diplomatic as she could be; she wasn’t the yes man she was expected to be, but she’d always hoped that when it came to the crunch, Robert would stick his neck out for her. It wasn’t enough, he’d told her, and then added, as if sealing her fate as a junior psychiatrist for the rest of her life, ‘You wouldn’t be happy on the top floor anyway: too much politics, not enough hands-on work. You’d suffocate.’ Travis, he’d said, was exactly the kind of political schmuck they wanted upstairs. What does that make you? she’d wanted to ask, but he was still her boss, and anyhow, she hadn’t wanted him to know how much it pained her not to get the job.

Jonathan was now doing the talking – some long-drawn-out speech about the years of experience Ken would be taking with him, and how much he’d learned from his colleague. Karen must have been frowning in anticipation of Travis’s coronation, because Robert was looking at her now, mouthing, ‘You okay?’

She flicked her eyes down to her lap, ignoring his concern – childish, she knew, but this whole charade was causing anxiety and irritation to flare up inside her. She might have to sit there and congratulate Yapp, smile and say he was the best man

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