I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,89

Peach, but you guys were at the house when Kirk came back.”

“Yeah. Derek’s cousin. All of us were friends. Then Derek died, and I messed around with Ryan afterward, like a few months afterward.” She grimaced, her whole body shuddering. “Want some more honesty? No. I’m not even asking.” She plunged ahead. “I don’t regret sleeping with Ryan. I just regret the timing of it.”

She understood. Somewhat.

“I’m not with Ryan because of my grief.”

Yes, I had used him in the beginning, which was something Ryan knew about. Something he understood since he’d used Erin in the same way.

That was why he understood.

“Thanks for telling me.” I meant it.

She nodded. “That’s the reason I never went after you about your sister, but that’s why I’m here. You need to watch Stephanie. She isn’t going to understand.”

“Yeah.” I meant everything I said to her and her friends, but that was before my coming-to-Willow moment. “I heard she’s going to make a pass at him tonight.”

“She is, and she can be ruthless sometimes. Just watch your back with her. Okay?”

I studied her a moment. Trust her or not?

Erin was the popular girl in her class. Even though she was a grade younger, I knew she didn’t need to hang out with Stephanie and her friends. There’d been a divide between them earlier in the year. I hadn’t been noticing much at that time, but I had noticed that at Peach’s pool party.

“Why are you hanging out with her?”

A fleeting smile was my answer. She started to leave but said over her shoulder, “Because sometimes it’s smart to keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” She winked at me. “It’s a classic for a reason.”

She was leaving as Ryan headed toward me, his gym bag hanging from one shoulder. He glanced at her as she passed him.

“What was that about?” he asked as he drew close to me.

I beamed, feeling the same way I always did.

He pushed back the darkness, sometimes literally.

“Stephanie Witts is going to make a pass at you tonight, and I’m supposed to watch my back,” I said, almost upbeat about it. I winked at him. “I heard she’s ruthless.”

He matched my grin, but didn’t respond as he let his bag drop to the ground and then slid down to the floor with me. “You know you have nothing to worry about, right?”

I nodded. “I know.” But there were knots in my stomach. I couldn’t deny them. “Just . . .” I leaned my head back and turned toward him so we were inches apart. “I don’t trust them.”

“Yeah. I get that.” He dipped down, his lips touching mine and resting there a moment before he whispered, “But I don’t want Stephanie Witts. I don’t want anyone else.” His eyes were hard on me.

My body warmed. A tingle shot through me.

I grinned, my lips curving against his. “You’re all I want too.”

He pulled back, an uncharacteristic seriousness on his face. No smile. No grin. No smirk. No amusement in his gaze. He was suddenly so serious. “I just want you. I just love you.”

My tongue felt heavy.

I should say it back, but I was still hearing Willow.

Pain sliced through me, and I turned away—I started to turn away.

He caught me, his hand touching my chin, and he moved me back to look at him. His thumb caressed my jawline, and his eyes dipped to my mouth. “I couldn’t have said this a year ago. I couldn’t have said this six months ago, but I can now. It took me that long, Mac. Derek’s death fucked me up, so when I say I get it—I get it. But I want to say it.”

I needed it.

It was like air to me.

I turned my body, my head holding still, and slowly, I crawled until I was straddling him in the darkened hallway. It was empty, but people were probably lingering just around the corner or by the gym. Two steps—that would be all it would take for someone to round the corner and find us there.

I so wasn’t caring at that moment.

I settled down on top of him, feeling him beneath me, and his hands moved to my hips.

I leaned forward, my lips nipping his, and I whispered, “I want to show you what I can’t say, not yet.”

“Oh yeah?” A small grin pulled at his lips, and he watched me with dark amusement.

“Yeah.” I shifted, pushing down with my hips. He was hard for me. His gym pants didn’t obstruct him much,