I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,141

until I was in New York. I kept wanting to look at you. Then I couldn’t get to you fast enough after the show. That has never happened.”

I want to believe him, but it’s hard for me to even fathom. “Please don’t feed me lines.”

“It’s not a line. It’s you. I can’t explain it, but you’re all I think about. The way you hide your face from me when you’re unsure of yourself. How your smile makes my heart stop, and how even now, with speckles of paint on your face, you take my breath away. Don’t you see? I tried to stay away, but I keep finding myself back here.”

My chest tightens as I wonder what alternate universe I’m living in. How does one of the sexiest men alive think that I’m in any way special? I’m average on a good day. He’s extraordinary on a bad day. This is crazy.

“You can’t mean that.”

“I mean every single word. I’ve never chased a girl like this. I’ve never showed up at her house—repeatedly. I haven’t felt like this in a long time.”

No one has ever said anything like that to me, and suddenly, every reason to make him leave vanishes. I can’t think of anything to say in protest. Plus, I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words, and he’s here. Even though I’ve done nothing to further his advances, he keeps coming back.

I shift a little, trying to break the physical touch because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something. When he touches me, I tend not to think straight. Eli makes me forget just how broken I am. I don’t need to forget.

“Now,” he prompts as he drops his hand. “What do you want to know about me? I don’t want you to have that excuse anymore.”

“Okay,” I say with apprehension. “When did you get back?”

“I landed an hour ago, and I needed to see you.”

“You landed and came straight here?” I shake my head in complete disbelief. “You can’t possibly feel these things for me. You have no idea the mess my life is in, and I don’t have time for games.”

He retracts his arm from behind me and squeezes the back of his neck, “I’m not playing a game. We’re not kids, Heather. We’re both too old for that shit. If you don’t want me here, I’ll go.” He moves to stand, and I panic.

“No!” I yell and then clasp my hand over my mouth. Why did I say that? Ugh. I’m giving off mixed signals everywhere.

Eli settles back down next to me, and the green in his eyes darkens. “No?”

“I don’t know why I said that. I know I’m being complicated and stupid, but you have to understand my anxiety.”

A shiver runs up my spine and I gasp. He gets to his feet and steps in front of me. “I think you’re scared because you know what I’m saying is true and you feel it, too.”

“I don’t.” I put as much steel in my voice as I can. He’s right, though. Because when he said that he’d leave, I knew he would, and I want him to stay. Eli is the first man to make me feel anything since Matt. He looks at me without any pity or sadness. He doesn’t know what I struggle with, and I’m not broken to him.

He looks at me the way I used to look at myself, and I can’t help but want that.

“Tell me you don’t think of me at all,” he commands. “Tell me that in the week I’ve been away that you haven’t wanted me to come here. Make me believe I’m the only one who feels this, Heather. Tell me, and I’ll walk away right now. You’ll never see me again.”

Eli’s hand cups my cheek as I get lost in his eyes. The desire swims on the surface, allowing me to forget all the reasons why I should push him away.

“I can’t.” The truth on my lips stuns me. “I can’t say it because it would be a lie.”

His lips move closer to mine, and my heart thumps erratically behind my ribs. He’s going to kiss me. I want him to kiss me. There’s no excuse of alcohol tonight. I won’t be able to play this off as some drunken mistake. I’m sober, and I want him to make me feel again.

“I didn’t think you could,” he says before his lips press against mine.

Gone is the worry about my life, all