I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,140

man, but he was full of so much wisdom. He loved my mother more than anything in this world. As hard as it is to admit, if my mother had been alone in that car, my father would’ve found a way to follow her in death. He would never have been able to survive in a world without her. It’s the kind of love I want in my life.

It’s the kind I thought I found with Matt. Boy was I wrong.

I lean my head back and close my eyes, hoping to feel that calm again.

Instead, I hear someone clear their throat.

My eyes open, and I come face to face with the man I didn’t think I’d see again.

“Eli,” I say, almost dropping the glass.

“Hey,” he says as he climbs the stairs. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I told you I’d see you again,” Eli explains as if it makes total sense.

This is crazy. I thought we were done with him showing up. He’s been in the wind, and I had no way to get in touch with him, not that I would have called anyway. I’ve already decided this will never happen, so I don’t know why my heart is racing at the sight of him.

It makes no sense that the tight blue jeans and gray T-shirt that cling to his muscles have my mouth watering.

I’m completely unaffected by him in general. Yup. Totally. It’s because I’m tired that I’m reacting at all.

I shake off the thoughts of how much more I’d like to see of him and take a drink. “You did, but that was . . .” I pretend to have to think about it. “Like, ten days ago?” It was eight, but I’m not going to tell him I’m counting.

He grins and takes a seat next to me. “About that.”

I shift over a little, hoping some distance between us will help my racing pulse. “Were you out and about and then figured you’d stop by?”

I did not just say that, did I? Oh, God, I did.

“Nope.” He chuckles. “I just got back from New York. My agent needed me to finalize some things for our next season.”

“Oh.” I take another drink as he moves a little closer. My heart races as his side touches mine. “I’ve never been to New York,” I admit. I haven’t traveled anywhere since my parents died.

Eli starts to move the swing. “You’ll have to come with me one time.”

“Come with you?” I squeak.

“Yeah,” Eli laughs.

“That’s a little presumptuous.”

“Why? We can go away together if you want.”

“What makes you think I’m going to go on a trip with you? We barely know each other. Hell, we’re not even friends.”

“I thought we established we were definitely friends last time.”

It’s going to circle back to my groupie slut status with us. There’s no true friendship, there’s a one-night stand and pizza. It hardly constitutes as anything. Besides, I don’t need any more friends. I have my girls, Brody, and Stephanie. I’m set.

“Look, you don’t know me, and I definitely don’t know you.”

Eli throws his arm around the back of the swing, and his fingers find their way to my neck. “I think I know you pretty well.”

“Really?” I challenge.

“I know you’re beautiful, like pizza, have the world sitting on your shoulders, and try damn hard not to like me, which you are failing at.”

I smile and play with the ring on my thumb. “Whatever. I don’t think about you.”

I’m a big, fat liar. I think about him all the time, and last night, he managed to star in my dreams—again. As much as I tell myself I’m glad he stopped showing up, I was sad. There’s something about being around him that makes me crave more, which is the dumbest thing I could allow myself to want.

Eli’s thumb grips my chin, and he forces me to look at him. “I’m serious. Since the minute I laid eyes on you, I think about you all the time.”

“Eli,” I say, hoping he’ll stop. I don’t want to think about this.

“Why do you think I called you on stage? Why do you think I wanted you to come to the meet and greet?”

“Because you wanted me to sleep with you!” I say and try to shift away from him.

He cups my face and holds my gaze hostage. “No, because for the first time in all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve finally met someone who managed to knock me off kilter. I didn’t understand it