I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,12

as if to say meh before slowing the car and pulling into a driveway. I assumed another guy was coming out, so I was surprised when a girl came out the front door instead. Long, beautiful brown hair bounced behind her as she hurried down the sidewalk. Ryan stepped out as she approached.

“You got shotgun,” he told her. “I’ll sit in the back.”

“What?” Then she got in and saw me. Understanding dawned as Ryan sat next to me. “Oh.”

“Cora, this is Mackenzie.” Ryan gestured between us. “Mackenzie, Cora.”

“Hi.” I waited, tensing slightly. You never knew what would happen if you encroached on another girl’s territory. I was the new girl, and I was ready for the bitchy comment, but nothing came.

Only a tiny bit of hurt flashed in her very aqua eyes before she tucked her hair behind her ear and looked down. “Hey.” The word was a soft mumble.

I felt bad. I didn’t need to be Robbie to know what that look meant. She liked Ryan. And judging by the way Ryan shut his door and said, “Ready to go!” he had no clue about her feelings.

The other two were quiet, watching Cora.

They cared about her, and she cared about Ryan.

I’d stepped into something. I let out a soft sigh.

“You okay?” Ryan asked, lowering his voice.

Nick had pulled out of the driveway and turned the music up louder. Cora looked over and mouthed thank you.

We drove with the music surrounding us for a while. Nick wasn’t talking. Cora wasn’t either, and Tom had settled back, looking out his window.

I turned to Ryan, unsure of my place. “Are you meeting any other friends at the theater?”

He shook his head. “Nah. Just us.” He gave me a thoughtful look. “I wasn’t sure if I should ask you about the movie. Tom said the lights have been shutting off early. Since you guys hadn’t come over again, I thought maybe you were on lockdown.”

The knot in my stomach—the one that was always sitting there—loosened a small bit. I’d forgotten. This is how it had been with him before. And he wasn’t going to ask about the memorial service. He wasn’t going to ask how awful it had been to sit with my friends, who suddenly didn’t know what to say to me. I wouldn’t have to explain how they’d either stop crying or cry even harder when I walked into a room. He wasn’t going to ask about Willow’s boyfriend and how Duke couldn’t look at me, how no one could look at me.

I was there—the face they wanted but not the person they wanted.

With Ryan, in this car, I wasn’t Willow’s surviving sister. I was just Mackenzie.

I nodded. “Kind of. I think my mom wants me to get out of the house and do more stuff.”

“That’s perfect. We’re doing shit all the time. You can hang with us.”

As Ryan said that, I caught Cora watching us from the corner of her eye. Her lips tightened a bit at his suggestion.

“Uh, yeah. Maybe.”

“We’re hitting up a party later tonight, if you want to come to that.”

The invite came from Tom.

I lifted a shoulder. Old Mackenzie wouldn’t have gone—that was more of a Willow thing to do—but everything was different.

A party sounded like the best thing ever. “I would, actually.”

Cora lifted her head, giving Ryan a wolfish grin. “Erin’s going to freak.”

The other two guys started laughing.

I frowned. “Peach’s friend Erin?”

Ryan hardened. “Yeah, but she’s kind of an ex of mine too.” He leaned forward, raising his voice, “And I can do whatever I want.”

Peach’s friend who was also Ryan’s ex, and she was going to freak because I was going to a party with him. This was the second situation I’d stepped into.

Lovely.

Cora glanced back at us. “She even has a hard time with me, and Ryan and I have been friends since second grade.”

My lips thinned. “Let me guess. She’s popular at school?”

Cora’s eyebrows lowered. “She’s one of the most popular girls in school, even though she’s a junior this year. Stephanie Witts is the one from our grade.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Is she coming tonight too?”

Cora shook her head. “No, just Erin.”

Nick spoke up. “Erin’s included because of Peach and . . .” His eyes darted to Ryan, and he shut his mouth.

Coughing, Tom said quickly, “But she isn’t the hottest.” He was smiling at me like he wanted to reassure me. “Don’t worry. You’re way hotter than she is.”

Cora squeaked.

My knot tightened back up.

“Tom.” Ryan glared at him. “Shut