of it. He closed his eyes and swallowed. I'm hurt, he thought. I'm hurt badly. His mouth and throat felt powdery dry. Where am I, what am I--
Then he remembered; the dark men and the attack on his house. And he knew where he was even before he turned his head slowly, achingly, and saw the barred windows across the tiny cubicle. He looked at the windows for a long time, face tight, teeth clenched together. The sound was outside; the rushing, confused sound.
He let his head roll back on the pillow and lay staring at the ceiling. It was hard to understand the moment on its own terms. Hard to believe it wasn't all a nightmare. Over three years alone in his house. Now this.
But he couldn't doubt the sharp, shifting pain in his chest and he couldn't doubt the way the moist, red spot kept getting bigger and bigger. He closed his eyes. I'm going to die, he thought
He tried to understand that. But that didn't work either. In spite of having lived with death all these years, in spite of having walked a tightrope of bare existence across an endless maw of death--in spite of that he couldn't understand it. Personal death still was a thing beyond comprehension.
He was still on his back when the door behind him opened.
He couldn't turn; it hurt too much. He lay there and listened to footsteps approach the bed, then stop. He looked up but the person hadn't come into view yet. My executioner, he thought, the justice of this new society. He closed his eyes and waited.
The shoes moved again until he knew the person was by the cot. He tried to swallow but his throat was too dry. He ran his tongue over his lips.
"Are you thirsty?"
He looked up with dulled eyes at her and suddenly his heart began throbbing. The increased blood flow made the pain billow up and swallow him for a moment. He couldn't cut off the groan of agony. He twisted his head on the pillow, biting his lips and clutching at the blanket feverishly. The red spot grew bigger.
She was on her knees now, patting perspiration from his brow, touching his lips with a cool, wet cloth. The pain began to subside slowly and her face came into gradual focus. Neville lay motionless, staring at her with pain-filled eyes.
"So," he finally said.
She didn't answer. She got up and sat on the edge of the bed. She patted his brow again. Then she reached over his head and he heard her pouring water into a glass.
The pain dug razors into him as she lifted his head a little so he could drink. This is what they must have felt when the pikes went into them, he thought. This cutting, biting agony, the escape of life's blood.
His head fell back on the pillow.
"Thank you," he murmured.
She sat looking down, at him, a strange mixture of sympathy and detachment on her face. Her reddish hair was drawn back into a tight cluster behind her head and clipped there. She looked very clean-cut and self-possessed.
"You wouldn't believe me, would you?" she said.
A little cough puffed out his cheeks. His mouth opened and he sucked in some of the damp morning air.
"I--believed you," he said.
"Then why didn't you go?"
He tried, to speak but the words jumbled together. His throat moved and he drew in another faltering breath.
"I--couldn't," he muttered. "I almost went several times. Once I even packed and--started out. But I couldn't, I couldn't--go. I was too used to the--the house. It was a habit, just--just like the habit of living. I got--used to it."
Her eyes ran over his sweat-greased face and she pressed her lips, together as she patted his forehead again.
"It's too late now," she said then. "You know that, don't you?"
Something clicked in his throat as he swallowed.
"I know," he said.
He tried to smile but his lips only twitched.
"Why did you fight them?" she said. "They had orders to bring you in unharmed. If you hadn't fired at them they wouldn't have harmed you."
His throat, contracted.
"What difference--" he gasped.
His eyes closed and he gritted his teeth tightly to force back the pain.
When he opened them again she was still there. The expression on her face had not changed.
His smile was weak and tortured.
"Your--your society is--certainly a fine one," he gasped. "Who are those--those gangsters who came to get me? The--the council of justice?"
Her look was dispassionate. She's changed, he thought suddenly.
"New societies are always primitive,"