because I thought that this could never happen, not in a million years.
“How are you feeling?” Landry’s deep voice rumbles.
My entire body jerks slightly and I shift my gaze from Holden and his blocks to meet his. “A lot better. Still a little achy, but nowhere near what I was feeling earlier.”
“I’m glad.”
He averts his attention back to Holden, and I watch in awe as he continues to play with him. Every block that Holden picks up, Landry tells him what color it is, and Holden repeats it. Then they count how many are stacked in the tower before they add a new one.
I’ve never thought of doing that with Holden before. How have I never thought of it? I wonder what else I’m not doing that’s fucking him up? I’m immediately filled with anxiety and panic at the thought of not being a good mother.
“Sit, Tennessee,” Landry demands, his voice soft but his tone no-nonsense.
My feet carry me over to the sofa and I sit down without even thinking about it. Landry leans back against the couch, his body pressing slightly against my calf. “What’s wrong? You were looking okay, then you got really pale,” he murmurs.
“You’re teaching him,” I whisper as my teeth sink into my bottom lip.
“I’m teaching him?”
Nodding, I shift my gaze from Holden to Landry. His head is turned slightly as he looks over at me, his face showing his confusion clearly.
“His numbers, his colors. I’ve never thought about that with blocks before. I’m really not good at this stuff.”
Landry’s lips turn up into a full-blown smile before he starts to laugh. “Tennessee,” he says between his chuckles. “I didn’t do this with the boys at all. You learn as you parent. You won’t get everything perfect the first try. That’s okay, you just do the best that you can. And I can tell you’re doing wonderfully with him. He’s smart and kind, that’s all we need to be in this world, honey.”
“Landry,” I rasp.
His words. They’re too nice. He’s too nice. I open my mouth to say something, but he lifts his hand, wrapping it around my calf and squeezes reassuringly. My lips snapped closed and my breath hitches.
Holden and Landry play for a few more moments, then Holden stands and makes his way over to me. Without a word, he crawls into my lap and lays his head on my chest. He’s warm and cuddly, his little arms wrapping around my neck.
Touching my lips to the top of his head, I shift my gaze over to Landry. He’s watching us with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Better, Mama?” Holden asks.
“Yes. I’m all better,” I murmur, my eyes never breaking from Landry’s intense gaze.
He clears his throat, then he surprises the absolute hell out of me. “This is what I screwed up on as a parent,” he announces.
“What?”
Landry continues to hold my eyes, never looking away from me as he pauses for a moment before he speaks again.
“Finding a mother like you for them. Susan isn’t what you would call warm, caring, or loving. So, you see, my children never had a mother that would hold them, kiss them, fix their scraped knees. She didn’t carry snacks in her bag in case they got hungry and we were out. I would call that a much bigger fuck-up than not teaching him his colors while you actively play with him.”
Tears fill my eyes. I don’t know what to say. If there is anything to say, but I wish that I could say something to comfort him. I can’t. I don’t know his children, not really. What I’ve seen, it seems they’re protective of him, and Laurent is a pig, but that’s for a different reason, I’m sure.
“Dinner?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Dinner? How long was I asleep?”
He chuckles as he pushes up off of the ground. “Ten hours.”
“Ten hours?” I gasp.
Landry’s lips turn up into a twitch of a smile. “Yeah, honey. You needed your sleep. Holden and I just played, hung out, he took a nap on the sofa there after lunch, but we just waited for you, kept quiet so you could rest.”
Those tears that filled my eyes, they fall.
He took care of me, really took care of me. I should not have allowed any of this to happen, but I did, and it did. I’m not sure that I would want to change it, either and that scares the absolute shit out of me.