want to. I don’t want to walk away from him. I want to stand right here and watch him, make sure that he’s safe, that he’s happy.
“If there’s any problem at all, we’ll call you.”
“Right,” I murmur, my eyes never leaving him. He walks over to the blocks, plopping his booty down, and starts to play with a little brown-haired girl.
“It’s hard, right? I remember all too clearly.”
Shifting my gaze over to her, I nod as my eyes fill with unshed tears. “I’ve never…”
My words trail off because I don’t know how to finish the sentence. I don’t like to tell people a lot of my personal business, but it seems like admitting that I’ve never left Holden anywhere but in my mom’s care, seems really, really personal right now.
“You can come down here any time you like during the day. It’s open for you, any time at all.”
Gulping, I take a step backward, then nod. “Okay,” I manage to get out.
I don’t turn my back, I can’t. Instead, I back away, my eyes on Holden the entire time. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t even try to find me. I wonder what he’s going to do when he realizes that I’m gone.
My heart cracks at the thought of him crying out for me. I can’t do it. Once I’m out of his view, Tawny reaches for me, wraps her hand around my arm and gives me a gentle squeeze.
“Any time you want to come down here, even if it is just to watch him. Please, just pop in. He’s going to have fun though, I promise.”
Dipping my chin, I swallow the tears and shake my head. “I know that he will, thank you so much.”
She smiles softly. “I was a single mother, my babies, I had to leave them quite a bit. I remember how hard it was, you don’t ever forget the feeling, not ever.”
My lips turn up into a shaky smile as I nod. “Thank you,” I say through trembling lips. “Thank you.”
She smiles kindly and only then do I turn and leave the room.
I’m only going to be a few floors away, not too far, and close enough to see him on the phone app. I can do this. I will do this. I am going to do this, for him—for us. Lifting the blonde latte to my lips, I take a deep drink as I make my way back toward Bethie’s counter.
Laurent is standing there, leaning forward. I watch as he tucks a piece of Bethie’s hair behind her ear. She’s smiling up at him and my steps falter. I don’t like him, not at all, but she’d just warned me off of him. Biting the inside of my cheek, I get it now. She wants him instead. He’s a player, but she wants him to play her.
“Hey,” I call out as I approach.
Laurent’s head turns to the side and I watch as his eyes drag the length of my body before stopping on my face. “Good morning, Tennessee,” he purrs.
Taking a step backward, I don’t let his reach touch me as he extends his hand. His arm falls to the side and he tilts his head as he watches me. He is looking at me as if he’s trying to figure me out. He won’t. Not in a million years and I’m okay with that because I really don’t want him to.
“I should head upstairs,” I announce.
“Lunch?” Bethie asks, feigning innocence.
Shifting my gaze from Laurent to her, I give her a bright smile. “I’ll try?” I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to lunch with her, not when Holden is this close. Not when I can possibly sneak down to see him instead.
“Okay,” she chirps.
“Thank you for the coffee, I really appreciate it.”
Bethie winks, giving me an even brighter smile as she lifts her hand and waves. Turning my back to them, I walk toward the elevators. There are only two and I wonder why they don’t have more for such a large building?
When the elevator door opens, I step inside. I suck in a deep breath as I push the button. Pressing my lips together, I breathe through my nose as I watch the numbers rise, until I’m at the top of the building.
The doors ding and slowly slide open. My future waits for me, just a few feet away. I take a step, then another and another until I’m in the large open space of Mr. Astor’s floor.