reaches out, patting my hand. “Okay, Tenny. Okay.”
I don’t believe her words, except I can’t help that they creep into the back of my head. They sit there, lying in wait, and the rest of the weekend it’s all I can think about.
Even as my mother leaves on Sunday evening, they’re there. Even when I lie in bed, my son in his toddler bed in the corner of the room. They are there, swimming, moving, shifting to the front of my mind, then to the back, then to the front again.
Chapter Six
TENNESSEE
Before my mom left, she had gone and bought a bunch of work clothes for me, without my knowledge, along with actual high-heeled shoes. She told me it was from the money that she’d been saving, that was mine, but I think she bought it with her own.
My mother, she and I are so different. She prefers tight, bright, and flashy, and I am more of a comfortable with a neutral color scheme. Thankfully, she took my personal preferences into consideration, at least with my clothes, my shoes, on the other hand, are a different story.
“Woo wee, girl,” Bethie calls out softly as I make my way toward her counter.
Monday morning. First day on the job. I’m wearing a black pencil skirt, with a tight deep teal blouse, and a snug black cardigan. On my feet, however, are my most subdued new shoes. A pair of hot pink, sky-high heels with rhinestones wrapped around the back of the heel and the actual stems.
My feet are already aching after the several city blocks that I walked to get here, I can’t imagine how they’re going to feel tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter, because the adrenaline flowing through my system is enough to keep the pain at bay.
“I feel like it’s too much,” I admit as I reach her counter.
Bethie shakes her head from side to side as she reaches a paper cup of coffee in my direction. “Nope, it’s fierce and perfect for your new position. This must be Holden?” she asks, dipping her chin to him as I take the cup from her hand.
“It is. Say hello, Holden,” I instruct softly.
Holden lifts up his hand, his palm facing her as he gives her a big toothy grin. “Hi,” he cries out. He hasn’t really learned volume control yet, and I feel my face heat from his sheer volume.
Bethie laughs softly. “He is so sweet,” she gushes as she reaches out and touches her palm to his in a mini-high five.
“Thank you so much for the coffee,” I say. She smiles, flicking her gaze from Holden to mine. “Anytime. You better get him all settled, come see me before you head upstairs?”
Nodding my head, I give her a smile and walk past her desk, toward the back of the hallway. It’s so bright in here that I don’t feel even an ounce of trepidation. Reaching for the door, I hold my key card against the panel and wait to hear the small buzz that unlocks the door.
Tugging it open, I hitch my diaper bag higher on my shoulder as I head toward the daycare front desk. Tawny is standing right at the check-in, where she was when I toured here last week. She greets me with the same bright smile that she did a few days ago.
“Is this him?” she coos.
“It is,” I say softly.
Now that I’m here, now that it’s time, I’m wondering if I really have to leave him here. This is what I wanted. This is what I signed up for, but it’s really here, it’s real and I’m not sure I want it anymore.
I’ve worked for three years for this moment, and now, I don’t want to let him go. Inhaling a deep breath, I take a step forward. Tawny, if she notices my hesitancy, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she starts to talk about all of the things he’ll be doing today.
She shows me where to put his things, and then she guides me into the playroom where the rest of the children are in little groups playing with toys.
“You downloaded the app?” she asks.
Nodding, I lick my lips. The first thing I did was download the parental portal viewing app on my phone. I can check on him every minute of every single day. He wiggles, pointing to the big oversized LEGO blocks and repeats the single word, down, over and over.
Kissing his cheek, I bend slightly, and I let him down. I don’t