fare “orgasmic without having to bother with a man or a vibrator.” But, damn, she could only hope to one day make a lasagna that good.
Her thoughts felt delightfully light thanks to wine that softened the edges of everything and tasted great. She had found some comfort in a bottle a time or two since escaping, but she was far from a connoisseur. With the wine Maddox ordered, she learned there was a whole wide world out there she had yet to explore.
Maddox was driving the car. He hadn’t forced any conversation since they’d left the restaurant. He hadn’t pushed it when they were inside it either. It had flowed, easily, like the wine. About nothing important, and everything at the same time. When silence did lapse between them, it wasn’t awkward. He didn’t try to fight his way out of it. He felt more relaxed to her than he had since she saw him that day in the hospital.
The lights of the town rushed past them and Orion watched it all go by. She had gotten what she wanted. A taste of what life might’ve been like if things were different. A sharp, fresh plate of bruschetta. Fresh mozzarella drizzled in balsamic and olive oil. Stuffed zucchini flowers. That lasagna. Tiramisu that was creamy and sweet. Red wine that slid down her throat and warmed her skin.
It would’ve been nice to live such a life without all the baggage, all the evil and hatred, the darkness that simmered beneath the surface.
But her life was what it was.
Nothing nice. Nothing sweet. Nothing easy.
Maddox parked in the lot of her building. “I’ll walk you up,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt.
“You don’t need to do that,” Orion said quickly, desperately.
It would feel too much like a date then. It wasn’t. She wasn’t going to kiss him at the door, invite him in, even if small, foreign parts of her wanted that. She knew that sex was never going to be normal for her. Never right. Articles online had told her that eventually she would come to enjoy it, with the right person, but that seemed like a load of bullshit. The right person? Does such a thing even exist?
“Orion,” he said, voice firmer now. “It’s dark. You live in a good building, with good security, but I’m not taking chances with this shit.” Something changed about him then. He was no longer easy, willing to follow her lead. No, this was a man that was in charge, in control.
It sickened her.
And excited her.
Then she was sickened with the small part of herself that found it attractive. Men who liked control were men who liked handcuffs and pain and suffering.
Orion sank her teeth into her lip. “I think I’ll manage the short walk without you accompanying me, since, you know, I managed ten years without your protection . . . or any other cop’s, for that matter.”
It was cruel and mean to say it, but she didn’t care. She needed to mark this night. Stain it. It couldn’t end nicely. That was too dangerous for her. Too enticing.
“I know,” Maddox said, voice tight. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not walking you to your door. Even if it’s a few steps back. Even if you slam that door in my face. I just want to make sure you’re safe. That you’re always safe.”
She scoffed, hated the strength in his tone, but also the surrender. He wasn’t going to fight her. Wasn’t going to call her out for her cruelty. So, she needed to push further.
“I blame you,” she whispered, the words not needing to be shouted to make their point. “You didn’t keep me safe back then, you didn’t keep me safe the ten years I spent in that hell. How the fuck are you going to keep me safe now?”
Maddox opened his mouth to speak, pain in his eyes, but she silenced him.
“I blame you for kissing me. Making me ride home late. Not riding home with me. I blame you for not finding me, and fighting for me, and making sure that fat piece of shit got the justice he deserved. I blame you for a hundred things. For existing in the first place. Because if you didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have been biking home that day.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “Even though none of this is your fault. Even though the blame lies solely on the shoulders of the monsters who took me, locked me up, beat me, and