painful to hear, but the cumulative effect of all of them is like a punch to the gut. We have gotten her physically back, but Scizzor has already claimed her by doing the one thing I would never have thought he would stoop so low as to do: being nice to her.
“I’m your mama,” I tell her gently.
“My mama died in a fire.”
“No, baby. I was taken, just like you.”
Her next question tears me apart more effectively than any scythkin blade ever could.
“If you were my mama, and you escaped, why didn’t you come for me?”
“I thought you were dead. I’ve fought the last ten years to…” I trail off. What have I been trying to do? Hurt the universe? What comfort is that going to bring my girl?
“Where’s Scizzor?” She asks the question again. It’s like she’s on a loop. I don’t think she’s really heard anything I’ve said. If she believes I am her mother, she doesn’t care.
I never dared hope that I would be reunited with Ella. When Warden told me that it would be possible to find her, and to see her, I still barely dared hope. I never imagined that if that day ever came that she wouldn’t remember me, or worse, would resent me for not finding her sooner.
“He’s not a good alien,” I tell her. “He’s been put in prison.”
“He’s my mate,” she replies. “I want him.”
“Is that what he told you?”
“No,” she frowns at me, and suddenly I do see myself, very strongly. Her anger is all mine. “He paid for my release. He brought me here to look after me. I don’t know who you are. I want him.”
“I thought you would be longer with her,” Warden says when I return to his quarters, barely remaining composed.
“She wants Scizzor,” I tell him. “She doesn’t want me.” Saying those words almost shatters me, but not as much as standing beside my daughter’s bed, hearing her tell me that she doesn’t know me did. I thought I’d get a happy ever after. I thought everything would turn out perfect, that Ella would be as happy to see me as I am to see her.
“Are you sure she said Scizzor? She might have said something else. Like Slizzer,” Warden suggests.
“What is a slizzer? And anyway, I’m very sure. She’s bonded with him. She doesn’t know me.” I take a hitched breath as I try not to cry. “I don’t know her either. She’s like a stranger. I thought I would feel something more, but…”
“Shhh,” he says, drawing me into his arms and holding me close as I burst into tears. “It’s not going to be easy, Silver. None of this was ever going to be easy. The females from the human pet farm have programming installed which makes them become attached to the first male who takes control of them. Makes them more compliant pets.”
“So she can’t help but want him?”
“Maybe. Or maybe she actually likes him.”
“How could she like him? He’s an asshole.”
“Not to her. She doesn’t know him the way we do. To her, he’s her rescuer. He’s looking after her. He’s the only one who ever has…”
“I looked after her! I bore her!”
“She doesn’t remember you. Galactor always erase human memories after they are taken to make them easier to control. Scizzor is probably the first entity to show her anything resembling kindness in as long as she can remember.”
“But she knows about the fire at the farm…”
“Trauma memories are harder to remove from a human mind. She could easily remember the fire, but not you. Or at least, not the good times with you.”
“Mr Fucking expert on humans here,” I growl, trying to wipe my tears away.
“Humans have been manipulated and used for a long time. The IHPZ still does it. There are thousands of people there who think they live in Earth year 1995. It’s an illusion they prefer.”
None of this is making me feel immediately better. Warden seems to know that, so instead of talking, he just holds me and lets me cry my misery and disappointment all over his big, bladed body.
He has done so much for me. He has made so many things better, but he can’t make everything better. He can save my girl, he can return her to me, but he can’t make her remember me. He can’t make up for the years I couldn’t save her, and didn’t even know she was alive. And I can’t ask him to try. I have to