you give me a holler?"
"We're here!" I heard Nana bellow above the din. "In the back!" Nana had gotten pretty good at bellowing in the years before Grampa Sippel had sprung for a hearing aid.
I thanked the driver, then settled back into my seat, breathing a sigh of relief. Now that I knew Nana and Tilly were aboard, I allowed myself a small, self-satisfied smile. Hey, I was getting this tour escort thing down to a science!
Percy and Basil straggled up the stairs, the last passengers to board. With a nod to me, they clambered into the seat behind me, tsking at the lack of decorum. "I hope they plan on handing out headphones to muffle the noise," Percy groused. "What are they laughing about? It's insufferable."
The ticket-taker pounded his fist against the side of the bus, and yelled to the driver, "You're all set to go. Aloha."
The engine roared to life, the door hissed shut, and the driver announced, "I can't leave until everyone is seated, so how about it, people?"
Twenty seconds later, we were on our way.
"I borrowed silverware from the breakfast buffet," I heard Basil whisper as we rattled into traffic. "A grapefruit spoon would have been perfect. They're serrated, you know. But the only grapefruit they offered was in sections, adrift in a sea of juice. So I had to settle for a cereal spoon. At least it's a bit more pointed than a soup spoon. What did you find?"
"A SwissChamp XLT pocketknife," Percy whispered back. "I was waffling between this one and the SwissFlame with the gas lighter, but I know better than to trust you with anything combustible. First time I turned my back, you'd have your trousers on fire. Or your hair. Or --"
"Will you never let that go?" Basil sniped. "Your gibes are so tedious. I'm not even sure why I put up with you. Do you have the map?"
Map? That definitely earned them my full and undivided attention.
"You shouldn't have folded it," Basil scolded. "I can't tell now if that line is a crease or a river. What's this smudge here?"
"It's not a smudge. It's an X. As in, 'X marks the spot.' And those squiggly lines are...Bloody hell. What are those things?"
I heard the paper rattling like a potato chip bag. "Snakes?" said Basil. "Night crawlers? Do you suppose there's a bait and tackle shop out there?"
An exasperated growl from Percy. "Where are your reading glasses? Oh, never mind. The Champ has a magnifying glass. Here, I'll show you."
For a full minute I heard nothing, and then -- "How many of those pullout gadgets does the Champ have?" Basil asked impatiently.
"Fifty," Percy snapped. "Fifty tools that have proven to be absolutely essential for survival in any hostile environment."
Yeah. My personal favorite was the cuticle remover.
"Just a minute. I know it's here somewhere."
Okay, I'd heard enough. Map with a big X? Stolen cereal spoons? Fifty-function Swiss army knife? If these two weren't after buried treasure, I'd eat my --
I paused thoughtfully. I'd eat anything right now. I'd missed breakfast, so I was starving. But as I pondered how to gracefully interject myself into their conversation, I realized that hunger did have its advantages.
With my heart banging against my rib cage, I turned around and peeked over the top of my seat like a new neighbor looking over a property fence. "Excuse me, do either of you recall reading anything about what we're supposed to do for lunch today?"
Percy crushed the treasure map against his chest and eyed me suspiciously. Basil removed his cap and gave his mop of wavy brown hair a scratch. "We're to be provided with box lunches. Some type of American luncheon meat, I believe, though I'm holding out a faint hope for either cucumber or watercress."
I glanced at the Swiss army knife in Percy's lap. He'd exposed so many jiggers, it looked like a mini erector set. "Nice knife. I have one too, only it's a lot smaller."
Basil plucked the knife off Percy's lap and proceeded to flip up more tiny steel-plated arms. "You wouldn't happen to know where the magnifying glass is, would you?"
"Afraid not. But I have twenty-twenty vision. Would you like me to read something for you?"
"I should say not!" Percy answered for him. He stuffed the map into his shirt pocket, then snatched the knife out of Basil's hand and snapped all the gizmos back into the housing. "I can see perfectly well for the both of us."
"Say," I gushed, feigning sudden recognition,