word or look me in the eye?”
She blinked quickly, but not before he saw the flash of guilt. She knew she’d behaved badly, and it mollified him. Slightly.
His chest still ached.
“I’ve been rude to you,” she acknowledged, crossing her arms. “And I’m sorry, truly. But I can’t dump you, Kennedy. We’re not dating.”
There it was. Proof that his give her space plan had been solid in theory but fucked in practice. He’d given her too much space, too much wiggle room, and he was losing her. Damn it.
“Kate.” He stepped toward her, ignoring the fact that sand was getting all up in his shoes, and blocking out the sound of the reception, the bonfire in the distance, even the drunken college kids who had just gone racing past them. “I know today was hard on you.”
She stepped back, her eyes suspiciously bright. “Don’t be ridiculous. I love weddings. I’m thrilled for Ian and Lara.”
“I know you are. I also know it was hard for you to see Mr. McKenzie walk Lara down the aisle.”
She swallowed and looked toward the water, and he saw her eyes were shining.
He dragged a hand over his face. There was nothing worse than knowing she was hurting and he couldn’t help, but he was hurting, too.
“I’m not trying to pressure you, Kate. I don’t want to rush—”
“Then don’t,” she said at a near shout. “I’ve been clear with you, Kennedy. I don’t know how to be clearer. I don’t want . . . this.” She gestured between them.
“You used to,” he said, hating how desperate he sounded. “You told me that night on the boat that you used to.”
“Past tense, Kennedy.”
“Bullshit,” he said, anger kicking in around the pain. “You can’t look me in the eye and tell me these past months have meant nothing to you, that we haven’t come damn far. I’ve seen the way you look at me, Kate, and I know damn well you’ve seen the way I look at you. You can’t tell me you don’t feel what I feel every time our eyes meet, every time we touch. You’re hurting right now, and I get that. You need more time, and I can do that, but you’ve got to give me something, Kate. Tell me to wait, and I’ll wait as long as you need. I’ll wait forever, but don’t end this.”
Kate’s eyes were bright with tears, and for a heart-stopping moment of hope, he thought she’d tell him what he wanted to hear—what he needed to hear, more desperately than he’d ever needed anything.
Instead, she backed away, and his hopes crashed down around him. Wordlessly, she shook her head.
He swallowed. “So, what, the past few weeks have just been you fooling around?”
“You knew that it was.” Her voice pleaded with him to understand. “What do you want from me?”
He stepped closer. “I want access to the old Kate, the one who believed in love at first sight, who would never settle for ‘fooling around.’”
She shook her head and looked down at her feet. “I can’t—”
“Kate.” He tried one last time, gently lifting her chin until she was looking at him again. “You have to know that’s why I jumped at the chance to have Christian as my assistant instead of you. It’s because I knew full well I couldn’t date my assistant. And I want to date you. More than anything.”
“But it won’t last. Everything ends one way or another, because that’s life.”
“Is that what you’d tell Lara and Ian or Sabrina and Matt? Or would you tell them to go for it? That they can’t just quit on the good stuff in life because they’re scared of the bad.”
A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye.
Kennedy moved slowly, reaching out and cupping her face, relieved when she didn’t move away. “We’re the good stuff, Kate. No, I didn’t hear angels singing the first moment our eyes met, but that’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. You know me. Things take me a while. I think too much; I’m always up in my head. I may not feel as quickly as you, but I do feel, Kate.
“You once said you wanted someone who’d fall hard and fast for you, and while I know I let you down on the fast part . . . I did fall, Kate. I’ve fallen all the way.”
He swallowed. It was the closest he’d ever come to saying he loved a woman, and he willed