few years. I’ve tried to be the best priest I could for you. I want to thank you for being here, even though I’ve failed in so many ways.” He was startled by the nervous laughter in the crowd. Shit, they were probably expecting something much, much worse than what he was about to say.
“I—I’m leaving the priesthood.” He’d spent the afternoon off on a meeting with the bishop, pleading his case to be laicized. It had taken hours, and a terribly embarrassing confession of all his sins. The bishop had wanted details, which really only strengthened Patrick’s decision to leave the Church, even if Sasha turned him down flat. “The vocation that brought me here died.” The nervous laughter hushed, and he met several disappointed gazes. “But not really—it just changed.” He took one last deep breath before he said it, the mic shaking in his hand.
Before continuing, he sought out Sasha in the crowd again, relieved to find her still standing where she’d been before. He couldn’t feel the fear anymore. In its place, he’d swear that he could feel hope.
“It changed because I’m in love with an amazing woman.” The crowd went even more silent, but Patrick didn’t balk. It was a shocking thing for most of them, and he hadn’t been sure about announcing this in front of a crowd even moments before. “I wanted to tell you face-to-face, because I’m not ashamed. And I’m not leaving because I don’t care about each and every one of you. Like I said, I just changed.”
No one spoke. And, when he looked up, Sasha was no longer where he’d last seen her. A rock formed in his gut. Maybe he wasn’t ashamed, but was she? If she didn’t feel the same way about him that he felt about her, then maybe she’d run.
Fuck. He’d always prided himself on being wise, but what if he’d miscalculated this time when it was so important? Sister Cortona sniffed at him as he passed her on the way to the stairs leading from the stage, but it was oddly approving.
He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Should he go back to the rectory and pack his meager belongings? He could crash at the apartment above Dooley’s for a while, but he would eventually need to figure out what to do with his life. Especially if the rest of his life wasn’t going to include Sasha. He’d planned that a big part of his future would be owned by her. If she didn’t want him, he didn’t know what he’d do.
His head was down as he concentrated on putting one foot in front of another. As soon as he’d spoken, it was like all of the adrenaline that had allowed him to make his big reveal on stage had left his body, and he felt hollow and unmoored. Like someone had carved something vital out of him.
A decade ago, he’d become a priest to avoid feeling like this. He’d always been much more comfortable with empathy than with actually feeling emotions for himself. He’d almost forgotten how intense a heartbreak could be. He’d been numb for years, and coming back into the whole romance game had rocked him. All he could do was put one foot in front of the other.
He was so focused on avoiding eye contact with any angry parishioners that he crashed into someone. He reached out to steady the person and immediately realized whom he was touching. He looked up and the hollow feeling in his chest dissipated immediately. He was filled with her scent, with being able to touch her without his vocation in the way.
The rock in his stomach disappeared when she smiled at him. It was totally corny, but it was like the clouds parting after a string of particularly rainy days. The curve of her mouth made everything luminous.
“You love me?”
That was one of the drawbacks of announcing that you loved somebody to a crowd instead of saying it to them alone. He’d never get to see the way that announcement made her feel when she first heard it. Instead, he’d have to say it again and again in the hope that it would delight her every time.
“More than anything.” This time, when it was just her, he didn’t struggle for the words to explain. “You’re the missing puzzle piece. You’re at least half of the pieces that I’ve been missing.”
Thank God her smile got bigger. “I love you, too.”
“I love you.”
“We’ve already established