Hostile Ground (The Arsenal #7) - Cara Carnes Page 0,70

the kind of lives where we can skip into the sunset and live happily ever after with dancing mice and bunny rabbits scampering behind us.”

His eyebrows rose. “Mixing your Disney movies.”

“Don’t you dare make light of this. Don’t you fucking dare.”

He stroked her hair. “Waking up in that cell, seeing you cuffed to that wall in those chains fucking terrified me. I would’ve done anything in that moment to get you out of there. Anything.”

“Kristof,” she whispered. He placed a thumb on her lips and shook his head.

“I let that fear for you take over. When Nolan said they wanted you away from Russia. Away from me. Yeah, I thought that was exactly what you needed.”

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me,” she growled.

“No. And neither do they.” He leaned down and kissed her. “And don’t ever cheapen whatever this is between us again. You know I could’ve fucked you senseless months ago if that’s all I wanted.”

Addy tightened in his embrace. “We aren’t talking about that night.”

“No. One day you’ll figure out why I said no.” He peered into her eyes. “We’ve both been fighting internal wars between hell no and what if. My final battle was when I spilled all the vile shit I’d kept from everyone and you didn’t destroy me with it. You didn’t walk away or vilify me. I won that war when you stretched out with me on this bed and fell asleep in my arms. What if won, Addy. I know this thing between us is worth exploring, and I know we can if we both man up and try.”

“This is nuts. We don’t have time for this…” Addy growled and swiped her face as she turned away from him. How could she make him understand when she didn’t even know what she wanted? “You’re right. I do swing back and forth between there’s no way in hell this is going to happen to what if it did. But none of that matters. Our lives collide every now and then, but after this shit is sorted, we’re both on different paths.”

“I’m not asking for forever. We’ve lived our lives one day at a time, mission to mission. That’s in our blood, our DNA. You’re running scared from a maybe for the same reason I am.”

“And what’s that?”

“Maybe I’ll finally find someone who might give a damn whether I lived or died because I’m the most important person in their life.” He turned her to face him and touched her shoulder. “I’m finally ready to take that chance. I’ve clawed myself far enough out of hell to try. That person may not be you, but I can’t walk away until I know for sure because you’re the reason I survived.”

Damn.

Addy’s eyes burned. The words resonated within her, burrowed deep into the chasms created by Peter. The camp. The missions.

“We’re too much alike,” he said.

“How?”

“We’re both so wounded by the loss of a loved one that we’re terrified of letting someone be that important to us again. I’ve been so determined to never feel the loss I did with Mama again that I didn’t want to take a chance.”

Addy’s breath halted. “Why now?”

“Because of that cell. We could’ve died. You could’ve died. That almost sent me scurrying fully into the hell no, but you dragged me back and so far into the what if I can’t even see the hell no anymore.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Addy argued. “You’re crazy.”

“You fought because of me. Didn’t you?”

Addy shook her head. “No. We had to get out. The team…”

“Was close. How many times have you been captive? How many interrogations have you gone through?” His gaze narrowed as he gripped her hair. “Lie to me if it’s what you need, but at least admit the truth to yourself. You were worried I’d be killed. You were so determined to keep me breathing that you risked your life to get us safe until your team got to us.”

She had. But she hadn’t intended for anyone to realize. Hell, she hadn’t even fully admitted it to herself. Running away from the attraction and chemistry she had with Kristof was the easiest solution. She’d move on and survive because she had a huge new family at The Arsenal. They had her back.

Who did Kristof have?

He’d moved past the fear—one she had as well—and stood his ground. Here.

He’d made a stand for the what if.

“I’m not an easy person to be with,” she admitted. “You should know that up