mattress and adjusted the pillows where they needed to be. She fitted herself against his side, resting her head on his shoulder. They lay there for a while, and he knew she was giving him the opportunity to drift off again. Which he would, soon, but he detected tension in her. Adjusting his head and tipping up her pensive face, he gave her chin and jaw a little squeeze.
“Tell me how to help you to stop worrying. And I don’t mean me not pulling this shit again. We’ve covered that. What’s in your head that you’re not letting go? I need you to tell me. I can handle anything but causing you pain.”
Another silence, during which she drew a couple circles on his chest. He’d donned T-shirt and shorts to sleep, so she was creasing and smoothing the fabric. “I know I asked, but the answer, why this happened…it didn’t feel like all of it. And this scared me, Rory. Really, really scared me.”
He held her closer, pressed his lips to her forehead as she held him back, shuddered. “You’d never have known it. You took charge and handled things like a pint-sized general.”
She put her mouth to his throat, her breath shallow and warm there. “But if I could understand better…it would help me feel like…”
“You could head it off next time?” He gave her a squeeze. “You’re not in charge of this, Daralyn. It’s like you going to Raleigh. There are decisions we each make, obstacles we face…having support makes all the difference in the world, but the solutions have to come from within us, you know?”
Dr. Taylor had told him, sure, but until it stared him in the face in his own behavior, he guessed he hadn’t really internalized it. Or the significance of what Daralyn had done.
She’d left to become a stronger, better version of herself. And she did that because she wanted to be that person. For him. And for herself.
Which meant he owed her a nothing-held-back answer to her unspoken question. He took an additional beat, figuring out how to put it into words, but he didn’t have to seek the answer itself. He’d known it all along.
“When your whole life changes in a blink, and you come face to face with how much can be lost in that blink, it does some things to your head that can’t be undone. You can manage it, handle it better, but it still fundamentally changes something, deep inside. I expect you get that, better than anyone.”
She was looking at him again and he tipped his head back down to meet her thoughtful hazel eyes. He stroked her shoulder, down her side, felt the nip of her waist and flare of her hip. “Pride’s close to anger. So’s fear. They were all wrapped up in it, this tug of war between me knowing I’d let you go if that’s what you needed, and not being able to figure out the next step if I’d lost you. These past couple years…”
He shook his head. “I’ve been in love with you for quite a while. Long before that Christmas kiss under the mistletoe.” He smiled at her. “But until you left, I didn’t realize how deep inside me you were. All of a sudden, I saw how much of my life was built out of a picture with you in the center of it. And suddenly, no matter how crazy it sounds, I was waking up in the hospital again, discovering the life I’d planned to have was going to look way different. Only this time, the most important part of it, the thing that filled my heart and soul, wasn’t going to be in it. Do you understand?”
Her face filled with emotion. “Yes,” she said, her voice barely audible. “I understand how that feels. Realizing things could change in a blink. Only for me, it was the opposite. Suddenly, life went from being dark and difficult, where I was alone, to a place with love, and encouragement, light. So many things to learn and see and know… It was marvelous, and terrifying, because I didn’t trust it.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t believe it wouldn’t disappear, that it wasn’t all a lie. That fear hasn’t left me. But trying to figure out what was expected of me, so it wouldn’t be taken away... It’s exhausting. Some days managing that fear is all I can handle. But then there was you.”
Her fingertips slid along his throat, down to his